Tuesday, October 27, 2020

You Don't Have Mail: A Gut Punch From God

My voting ballot is stuck in the mail in Mexican customs.  I have until Nov. 3rd to mail it in.  The chances of me receiving it before then are slim to none.  It might take weeks to get here.  It might never get here.  To say that I am hurt, angry and disappointed is an understatement.  It's more accurate to say that I am devastated, livid and completely disgusted.  

My mail disappeared in Mexico City on October 14th, and since then my life has been full of anxiety and rage.  My Mom mailed my ballot to me from my permanent residence in San Diego.  She mailed the ballot to me as soon as she received it on October 6th.  The post office told her that it would arrive to me in Mexico within two weeks.  Here we are three weeks later, and I still don't have my ballot.  We launched an inquiry with the post office and it turns that my mail was held up at customs - which is where it still sits at the moment.

Had I known this would happen, I would have told my Mom to overnight my mail to me.  It would have cost her $50, but I would have told her to pay it.  I've been waiting four years to vote in this election.  I hated Trump in 2016 and I've hated him more every day since.  I couldn't wait to vote in this year's election.  I considered it not only my duty as an American, but my duty as a citizen of the world.  I saw photos of people standing in line for hours to vote early and felt an immense sense of pride that these people cared enough to show up and go through that in order to vote.

I sent my Mom my Mexican address in plenty of time to get my ballot.  My Mom wasted no time sending the ballot to me.  She sent it as soon as she received it, and she trusted the post office at their word that I would get it within two weeks.  But I didn't get it within two weeks, and now I am not going to be able to vote at all unless my ballot miraculously arrives within the next few days - which is highly unlikely.

I am in Mexico spending my days surfing, swimming and doing yoga.  I should arguably be the happiest person in the world.  But I'm not.  Far from it.  I am deeply distraught.  I am furious that my mail isn't here.  Furious at the post office for giving my Mom a false timetable.  Furious at Mexican customs for holding my mail for no good reason.  Furious at my Mom for choosing snail mail out of all the available options.  But most of all, I am furious at myself for allowing this to happen.  I thought I had done everything I needed to do to get my ballot on time, but I didn't.

I feel like I have literally failed the entire world.  I had one job, and I failed to do it.  I feel like a complete piece of shit.  On top of that, my paycheck was also in the same envelope as my ballot.  So now I have no paycheck and no voting ballot until Mexican customs feels like forwarding my mail to me - which could be never.

The anxiety and uncertainty has really taken a toll on me.  I have not enjoyed the last several days and have spent most of the time distraught.  Even when I'm out on the water, I'm thinking about this colossal fuck-up and how it could have and should have been avoided.  This has taken all the wind out of my sails and I don't feel motivated to do much of anything.  I feel like the entire universe has conspired against me and the things I work for can be taken from me at any second by forces outside of my control.  In short, I've never felt so weak and powerless in my entire life.  My paycheck and my voting ballot are both being held hostage right now - against my will and for no apparent reason.  

Living the dream in Mexico?  My asshole.