Everyone loves a good shit-your-pants story, and I almost had one this morning.
I have to shit first thing every morning, usually between 6:00 and 7:30 a.m. I don't have an alarm clock. I just wake up when I have to shit. That's how I know it's time to start the day.
But this morning, when I woke up to shit, my roommate was in the shower. And my morning shit does not like to wait. Not for a minute.
First, I looked for a place to shit outside. But I live in a residential area, and there are no brushes or woods nearby.
So I went back inside, and opened the closet to grab a bucket. I read in a book that you can put a garbage bag inside a bucket and sit down on it and use it like a toilet. So that was my first idea. But the bucket was buried under a bunch of stuff in the closet, and I thought I'd shit my pants if I dug for it.
So I grabbed to two grocery bags instead, and put one inside of the other. Then I squatted down, held the double-bag below my ass like a diaper, and took a shit into it. I actually executed the move perfectly and didn't spill so much as a drop of pee on the floor.
This was literally the first thing that happened when I got out of bed this morning.