Monday, September 30, 2019

The Day I Die

On the day I die
Don’t let them say
The world lost
A rich man
Or a beautiful man
Or an intelligent man

Let them say
The world lost
A real man

To be rich is common
To be beautiful is common
To be intelligent is common

To be real is rare

So on the day I die
Let them say
The world lost
A real man

The Real Reasons I Do The Things I Love

Last night I got sick to my stomach from smoking too much weed, cumulatively, over the past several weeks.  This was the second time this has happened to me, so I took some time to reflect on why this happened and why I feel compelled to smoke weed until I become violently ill.  The seven hours of vomiting must have given me a revelation, because now I see it crystal clear.

I smoke weed to relieve stress, and I am stressed almost all the time, which is why I was smoking a lot.  I used to think that I was stressed because I had jobs I didn't like, but I don't have that problem anymore.  I was fired from all the jobs I didn't like.  If I have any regrets about it, it's only that I didn't quit sooner.  So if I am free from all the jobs I didn't like, then why am I so stressed all the time?

Almost all of my waking hours are spent doing things I enjoy: reading, writing, training, meditating, business, food prep, drawing and playing the guitar.  I perform each of these activities on my own time, and I keep record of all of my sessions to track my progress towards specific goals I have for each activity.  My goals run my schedule, which is good.  But my goals were also running my emotions, which is bad.

After puking for seven hours last night, I realized that I have always measured my life by the goals I accomplished rather than by how much I actually enjoy my life.  The result was a person who was modestly accomplished, but completely unhappy.  My self-worth was always tied to fulfilling the goals I set out to accomplish, and that is why I always felt stressed.  When you tie your self-worth to accomplishments, you will always feel incomplete and you will always feel pressure to accomplish more.  The next carrot will only gratify you for a short time before you are craving another one.

Doing things for recognition, money or awards makes you a slave to them, even if you love the things you're doing.  You will grow to resent them and even hate them because you're doing them for the wrong reasons.  The only real reason to do anything is because you enjoy doing the activity.  The enjoyment is the end, in itself.  No awards.  No promotions.  No cameras.  No money.  Just you having fun.  If you start doing things for any reason other than fun, then they cease to be fun.  They become a chore - an obligation - something you resent.  This is true of all of your favorite activities, even sex.

Because I always measured myself by accomplishments, I always felt like there was something wrong with me.  The feeling that there was always something wrong with me drove me to addictive and abusive behaviors, like smoking too much weed.  Looking back on my life, I can see that all of my destructive behaviors were rooted in the feeling that something is wrong with me, and I always felt like something was wrong with me because I always measured myself by accomplishments (rather than by how much I was enjoying my life).

Even if you love what you do, you can still stress yourself into oblivion by focusing on how good you are rather than how much fun you are having.  Someone who does things for fun doesn't get stressed.  Not even when they are in contention for an award, bonus or promotion.  Why?  Because that's not why they do it.  Their self-worth isn't tied to it.  Someone who is truly doing something for fun doesn't give a shit if they ever win an Emmy, write a bestseller, go platinum or make it to the big leagues.

Puking my guts out last night made me realize that I was putting so much pressure on myself to be good at the things I was doing, that they were causing me great stress even though they were things I loved.  The kicker is that putting pressure on myself to be good at those things wasn't making me any better at them.  It was actually making me worse.  Putting pressure on myself was actually inhibiting me by adding stress, nervousness, anxiety (and even dread) to things I like doing.

With that said, I decided to recover from my over-smoking problem by getting back in touch with the real reasons I do the things I love.  I wrote them down so I don't forget.  Here they are:

  • Play your guitar because you have wanted to play it since you were a kid and because of how good it feels when you get in the groove of stringing notes and chords together to form songs.
    • Pay no mind to whether you ever play in a show or release an album.  Those things will happen when they are meant to, if they are meant to, and it's not your job to worry about them.  Your job is to play the guitar and have as much fun as possible doing it.

  • Train for your health and fitness.  Train for how good it makes you look and feel, and for the moments of peace you have after a hard workout.
    • Pay no mind to being a professional athlete, or trainer.  Pay no mind to making any money off of sports, whatsoever.

  • Write because it's the only way you've been able to make sense out of your life.  
    • Pay no mind to whether anyone reads it.

  • Read because you enjoy it and because it enriches your life.
    • Reading is not something you have to do to be a good writer.  It's an end, in itself.  It's something you have enjoyed since you were a kid and it is something that has continuously made your life better in pretty much every way.

  • Meditate because it brings you peace.  Meditation is the closest thing you have ever found to peace, so do it.
    • Don't do it to unlock superpowers.  Do it to make yourself feel good (which actually is a superpower, in itself).

  • Only engage in business activities you are excited about.  If you don't want to do it, then don't.  Period.

  • Prepare your food with love, attention and gratitude.  Take your time when eating and be conscious of the fact that what you are eating is a gift from the Earth so you can keep doing what you were put here to do.

  • Share your work in person and online because you love connecting with people and appreciating each others' work.
    • Pay no mind to amassing fans, followers and likes.  The only thing that matters are the authentic connections you make with people, and the only way to get those is by being authentic.

Sunday, September 29, 2019


The thing about heroes
Is they get to keep living
After they die
In the minds
And the hearts
Of those they inspire

A hero's energy
Can be felt
For generations
And for miles around

The heroes never actually die
Their Spirit keeps living
In the minds
And the hearts
Of those they inspire

Some of them
You know
Some of them
You don't
But all of them inspired someone
That's why they're heroes
Heroes inspire others
But they inspire themselves, first
Only once one has inspired himself
Can he inspire others

He inspires himself by
Following dreams and visions
Which provide his road map
And lead him to action
The path he follows
Is that which leads to his dreams
To follow another path
Would make him less than a hero
And he knows that
He chose the harder path
For the better prize at the end
Fulfillment is what he's after
Satisfaction of a deep desire
To do something good in the world
That's what makes a hero happy

If you show someone love today
Then you're a hero

There are no big heroes
Or small heroes
All heroes are the same
They have a million faces
And a million names
We see them every day
Some we've known for years
Others we just met
Others we only know
From the messages they left behind

The great ones leave clues
Like footprints to an enchanted place
Giving a you glimpse and
Showing you the footprints
And if you keep following
The footprints
For long enough
Then eventually you
See what they saw
And you become one of them

Tuesday, September 24, 2019


Self-belief is what decides
Who lives their dreams
And who doesn't

Those who make it
Believe in themselves
Those who don't

Self-belief is often faked
And impersonated
By people who recognize
How powerful self-belief is
But haven't done
What's necessary to acquire it

Self-belief can only be acquired
By action in the face of fear
By setting goals and reaching them
By launching missions
And accomplishing them
By chasing dreams
And battling valiantly in victory
And in defeat

Self-belief has no place
For the quiet
The timid
Or the shy

Like a diamond
Self-belief doesn't feel the need to shine
It just does

Self-belief is secure
Self-belief is humble
Self-belief is mature
Self-belief is patient

Self-belief pays no mind
To any coward
Or fool
Who has the audacity
To doubt it
Self-belief knows
That all doubters
Are cowards
And fools
And will remain such
Due to their own doubt

Self-belief isn't worried about the outcome
Because the results are always
The way they should be
When you love the process

Self-belief loves the process
And would do it for food, water and shelter alone
If that meant it didn't have to do anything else

Self-belief is the subject of great jealousy
From phonies, fakes, liars and punks
Who are drawn to the shine of self-belief
But are unwilling to pay its price
Because they are too scared
Or too weak
Or too foolish
To do what's necessary

Self-belief allows
Doubts, fears and setbacks
To pass right through it
Because self-belief knows
That doubts, fears and setbacks
Are part of the process, too

Self-belief is grateful
For the support and recognition it receives

Self-belief tells the truth
Self-belief has integrity
Self-belief is authentic
Self-belief is transparent

The more transparent a person's self-belief is
The stronger it is
Transparent self-belief is our greatest weapon

An easy way to know
Whether or not a person believes in themselves
Is to look at their motives
A person motivated by fame, money or power
Can never truly believe in themselves
A person whose world revolves around money
Fame or power
Will always be insecure
No matter how much they have
Because too much money, fame or power
Is never enough

True power is independent
Of money, fame and influence
True power is knowledge of the self
True power is self-belief
True power can only be acquired
By doing what you want
When you want
True power can only be acquired through freedom

And freedom can only
Be acquired
By doing what you want
When you want
Only in those moments
Are you truly free

Self-belief loses jobs
And family members
Who don't believe in it
And it loses them
As quickly as possible

A man who does what he wants
When he wants
Possesses self-belief
A man who possesses self-belief
Does what he wants
When he wants
They are one and the same

The very definition of self-belief
Is doing what you want
When you want

Self-belief is an act of courage
Self-belief is an act of rebellion
Self-belief is an act of war

It's an act of war on all the constructs
That told you, you couldn't be
Whatever it is you want to be

Self-belief is an act of war on every false limitation
That's ever been placed on you
Self-belief is an act of truth
In a sea of lies

Self-belief sets the slaves free
And jails all the masters

Self-belief treats everyone the same

Self-belief has self-love

Self-belief stays focused on what it's doing
Because there's nothing else to do

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Love My Job

If you love your job enough
That you would do it
For food, water and shelter alone
In order to keep doing it
And not have to do anything else
Then you love your job

Human Sacrifices To False Gods

Soldiers sent to battle
In far away lands
Human sacrifices
To the oil gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Peasants starving
While the rich
Choke on their wealth
Human sacrifices
To the money gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Immigrants dying in deserts
And cages
Human sacrifices
To the white gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Children shot dead
At school
Human sacrifices
To the gun gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Saturday, September 21, 2019

Free To Write Your Own Rules (An Already Rich Man's Advice About Money)

The technocracy works for me
The rat race
The whole thing
It works for me
Because I don't work for it

I don't work for it
Because I do what I want
When I want

The only way to break free
From the rat race
Is to stop
Following its rules

The number one rule
Of the rat race
Is that your life
Revolves around money

You must forget the rule
That your life
Revolves around money
Your life does not revolve around money
Your life revolves around
Doing what you want
When you want
Your life revolves
Around you

You will never, ever
Be happy
If your life revolves around money
No matter how much money you have

You do not need money to survive
I repeat
You do not need money to survive

You need food, water and shelter to survive
You do not need money

Money would do no good
If you were stranded alone on an island
With no place to buy stuff
Because you would still need food, water and shelter
To survive
And you would still have to find it
With a bunch of useless money

Money is no good
Without society
Money does not exist
Without society
And society does not exist
Without money
To leave one
Is to leave both
One is no good
Without the other
You don't need money to survive
You need food, water and shelter

You only need money to survive
If you exist within society
If you exist outside society
Then money is no object

How you do exist outside society?
Do you leave your town?
Your country?
Your planet?

None of those
The break with society
Occurs in the  mind
Or not at all

It's not a physical change
Because the problem isn't
That your mind lives in society
The problem is that society
Lives in your mind
And most of the time
You don't even know it
You follow its rules unconsciously
Without thinking about them
Because everyone else accepts them, too

Breaking free from society
And from money
Requires rewiring your whole mind
Because you were indoctrinated
From the time you could form
And understand words
To believe that your life
Revolves around money
And you believed this lie
Your entire life
Because everyone else
Believed the same lie

But just because everyone believes
The same lie
Doesn't mean that it's a fact

Throughout history
Society has held many false beliefs
And throughout history
Those false beliefs have been behind
Every single
Mass incarceration
Child exploitation
And human sacrifice
That has ever happened on Earth
The evil use these false beliefs
To target the good
And that is how these events
Have been permitted to happen

Just because everyone
Believes the same lie
Doesn't mean it's a fact
History isn't kind to liars
Or those who believe lies

Just because everyone believes
Your life revolves around money
Doesn't mean it does
Your life does not revolve around money
Your life revolves around
Doing what you want
When you want
Your life revolves around you
And nothing else

When you do what you want
When you want
In that moment
You own the rat race
The rat race no longer owns you
In that moment
You beat the game
You may still live in society
But your mind is free
You are no longer thinking about freedom
You are living it

When you first break free
From the belief that your life
Revolves around money
The thought will come back
Again and again
Causing you to question
Whether this revelation
Could really be true
The thought will come back
When rent comes due
And you're wondering whether
You can afford groceries

This is when faith comes in
You can't escape society without faith
That you will find food, water and shelter
Even though money is no longer
The center of your universe
But remains center of everyone else's

This takes supreme confidence
And self-belief
That many fake
But few possess
The real ones make it out
The fake ones stay trapped
In the machine their whole life

You may change jobs
You may change friends
You may change your family
You may change your habits
You will definitely change
Your relationship with money

It might be the hardest thing
You ever do
But if you do
It will be worth it
You will second guess yourself
A hundred times
But each time you win
By doing what you want
When you want
You get stronger
Because your faith gets stronger
Until eventually
You just do what you want
When you want
All the time
Without thinking about it

You have replaced society's rules
With your own
You haven't removed yourself from
The rat race
You have removed the rat race
From yourself

You freed yourself from the rat race
By freeing yourself from mental dependency
On money
And now you are free
To write your own rules

If you want something, right now
And you can't afford it, right now
Then you don't need it, right now

If you want food, water or shelter right now
And you can't afford it
Then take immediate action to secure it
By telling people that you are hungry, thirsty and need shelter
Transparency about money
Is how the light breaks through
Society will not let you go hungry, or thirsty or without shelter
If you are truly chasing your dreams
If it does
Then society has failed you
And you have not failed it
Because your only job
As long as you're here
Is to do what you want
When you want

When you do what you want
When you want
So consistently
That who you are
And what you want to be
Are one and the same
That is when you have
Truly made it
That is when you are free
From money
That is when society
Works for you

Not when you become President
Not when you become a billionaire
Not when you become famous
Not when you buy a house
Not when you start a business

The day you make it is the day
You free your mind from money

To free your mind from money
Is to free your mind from anxiety
From doubt
From worry
From fear
And from pain

Free your mind
And you free your Spirit

Free your mind
And the familiarities
Of the rat race
Even the ones you despised most
Fall away
And you go through life
With a sense of wonder again
And things look completely different
Even though you're in the same place
You see possibility
Instead of monotony
And take different actions
With different results

The actions are where the magic happens
And you often don't know
What they will be
Until you make them
Or what effects they will have
On your life
Until much farther down the road

People worry that if they let
Go of money
Then they will let go of their desire
To do anything at all
It's true that they will lose their desire
To do many things they do now
But that desire
Is replaced by an even greater desire
To do the things you truly love
And what's left
Is not a lazy person
But an ecstatic person
Who is absolutely lit
On what he is doing
For no reason
Other than the fact that he's doing it

If you wish to be
An ecstatic person
Who is absolutely lit
On what he's doing
Then do whatever you want
Right now
And keep doing it
For the rest of your life

Monday, September 16, 2019

You're An Artist

If you find freedom
In practicing an art
Whether it's your first time
Or your last time
Then you're an artist

Every time
You practice an art
You are
By definition
An artist

Real ones know this
So don't let phonies
Tell you it's not true

The act
Of making art
Makes you an artist

If it feels like a rebellion
Then it is
If you find freedom
In practicing an art
Then you're an artist

Freedom is obtained
Through rebellions
If you find freedom
In practicing an art
Then you're an artist


There is great beauty
In transparency

Being transparent
Is the most beautiful
Thing you can be
Because it lets people see
The real you

That's the only way
To let people see
The real you
Is to be transparent
With them

Things fall away
Quickly as you become
More transparent
Jobs you don't need
People you don't need
Wants you don't need
Money you don't need

Eventually you're left
Only with what you need
And everyone can see it
That's transparency


Real fame
The kind that lasts

Is based on real skills
Third party validation
Of skills

Wide recognition
For possessing
A particular skill set

There are many trying
The competition is good
The imitations are many

Real fame
Without real skills
Isn't real fame

It's called infamy

Infamy is reserved
For phonies, fakes, posers
And punks

Infamy is for those
Who faked it
Until they made it

Under false pretenses
And cheated those
Who believed in them

By pretending
To be something
They weren't

Real fame
Without real skills
Isn't real fame

It's called infamy

Sunday, September 15, 2019

The Only Way To Escape The Maze

Society is a maze we go through like mice, looking for cheese.  Cheese is the only thing we look for.  As long as we are attached to the cheese, we are attached to the maze.  To break free from the cheese, is to break free from the whole maze.

But how do we break free from the cheese, when we need it to survive.  The first step is to believe we can.  There is unlimited cheese outside the maze.  That is where all the cheese comes from.  The cheese is put inside the maze by people who live outside of it.  The people who live outside of the maze have all of the cheese, but they don't live inside the maze.  They make all the rules to the maze, and they benefit from all the people running around the maze for cheese, but they don't have to live inside the maze.  They got enough cheese to create their own maze and benefit from other people running around in it.  So they did.  But that still doesn't mean they are free.

If you still feel the need for more cheese, then you are just part of a bigger maze.  As long as you feel the need for more cheese, you remain a mouse in someone else's maze.  The only way to escape from the maze is to let go of the need for more cheese, completely.

Believing you can break free is the most critical and important step.  Most people never make it past this step.  Those same people despise you for believing that you can escape the maze.  They hate you for not playing by the same rules they do and not making the same assumptions they do.  They call you mad and ridicule you for thinking you can escape the maze.  They do this because they are jealous.  They are jealous because they don't believe in themselves.  People who are trapped hate people who aren't.  The more trapped they are, the more hateful.  If what you're doing is making other people jealous, then you are on the right path.  Keep doing what you're doing.  Take it to the 19th degree.  If other people are making you jealous, then follow them.  They're showing you the road.

Society will never let your mind be free from money.  Society is built around money, and it will bully you into thinking about money constantly.  You have to completely break free from society in order to break free from money.  In order to escape from money, you have to escape from society.  But it's not a physical escape.  Moving to an isolated cave in Antarctica won't help you.  You can travel to the ends of the Earth and still not be free.  You can travel to the moon and still not be free, because freedom can only happen within the mind.  It's not a change in the environment or the physical world.  It's a change in the mind.  The change happens in the mind, or not at all.

If you want to get free from the maze, the action to take is whatever you want to do right now.  Even if it might get you fired from your job.  Especially if it might get you fired from your job.  Just do what you want and keep doing it, and let everything else fall away.  Jobs you don't need.  People you don't need.  Wants you don't need.  When you're done, you won't have anything you don't need, and you'll have everything you do need. That's how you know that you're done.  That's how you know you've escaped the maze.  You keep doing what you want, when you want - until what you need, what you want, and what you have are all the same.

Freedom from money is the hardest type of freedom to acquire, because we are constantly told we can't have it.  It should be very scary to admit that you don't need money.  You should feel it in the deepest parts of your soul, because the need for money has been ingrained into your psyche nearly constantly since you were old enough to form and understand words.  You were indoctrinated from your earliest days without warning or consent.  We all were.  That's why it's up to you, and only you, to escape.  No one else can do it for you.  Freedom cannot be given, it must be taken.  Do what you want, and do it now, and don't stop until you are happy.  If it changes your job, let it.  If it changes your friends, let it.  If it changes your family, let it.  If it changes your relationship with money, let it.  If it changes your entire life, then you've done it properly.

Anyone who says you can obtain financial freedom by making more money is full of shit.  Too much money is never enough.  Financial freedom exists only in the mind - and it exists the day you free yourself from your addiction to money by doing exactly what you want, when you want, for the joy of doing it rather than for money.

When you escape the maze, anything is possible.  Only after escaping the maze, do you see what life really looks like.  Most people never get the chance to appreciate that view.  Once your life truly becomes dictated by your dreams and not by the pursuit of cheese, the whole view changes.  Once you reach the mountain top, you never worry about money again.  If you can't afford it, you don't need it - but it takes faith to live by that.  It takes faith to live outside the system.  You have to have faith that if you can't afford it, then you don't need it.  When you're willing to make that leap, and live it, then you are ready for financial freedom.

If you let go of your attachment to money, you will never be in a rush again for the rest of your life.  There is no reason to be in a hurry to go anywhere or do anything.  You have plenty of things to do, but all the time to do them.  Rushing won't get you anywhere any faster, because you aren't going to any destination.  You're already at the destination.  The journey is the destination.  You will always have the comfort of being at your destination, because you will always be arrived.  You will always be right where you are supposed to be because you will always be doing what you want, when you want.

All of the things that seemed to matter before, don't - all at once.  They were all tied to money, and they don't matter any more.  There is literally nothing to worry about.  You just do what you want, when you want, and don't worry about shit.  That's when you're really, truly free from the maze.  It's not money that gets you there.  It's perspective.  It's seeing beyond the walls that blind the masses.  Eventually you realize there was never any real maze to begin with, and the maze only existed within your mind and most everyone else's.

Saturday, September 14, 2019

11 Interesting Facts About Ghana

1) The earliest evidence of human civilization in Ghana is 50,000 B.C.

2) Ghana is at or near the geographic center of the world (0 degrees latitude, 0 degrees longitude is off the coast of Ghana).

3) Ghana is an English speaking country, but is surrounded on three sides by French speaking countries (Cote d'Ivoire, Burkina Faso, Togo).  Its fourth border is the Atlantic Ocean.

4) Ghana was the first African country to break free from colonial rule in 1957.

5) Ghana is roughly the same size as Oregon and the U.K.

6) There are about as many people in Ghana as there are in the state of New York.  Ghana has the second largest population in West Africa, after Nigeria.

7) Ghana's motto is, "One people, one nation, one destiny."

8) Ghana's wildlife includes leopards, hyenas, buffaloes, elephants, wild hogs, antelopes, monkeys, pythons and cobras.

9) Ghana's agriculture includes yams, rice, corn, cassava, millet, peanuts, cotton, pepper, tomatoes, beans, okra, pineapple, coconuts, coconut oil, bananas, plantains, mangoes, coffee, citrus and oil palm

10) Ghana is 69% Christian, 16% Muslim, 15% Indigenous.  I am fascinated by indigenous cultures, so I hope I get stationed in an indigenous region.

11) Ghana's ancient political systems were dominated by queen mothers who were the embodiment of wisdom.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Poets' Faces

Sometimes I see poets' faces
On faces on the street
On those who walk by

I see the poets' faces
And I wonder if
I'ts a coincidence
That I keep seeing people
Who look like poets

Or maybe
Those poets
Whose faces I see
Are connected with me
And we are bound together
In some spiritual way

Or maybe
It was really was the poets themselves
Who I saw walking down the street
It could have been
For all I know

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Morning Glory

Everyone loves a good shit-your-pants story, and I almost had one this morning. 

I have to shit first thing every morning, usually between 6:00 and 7:30 a.m.  I don't have an alarm clock.  I just wake up when I have to shit.  That's how I know it's time to start the day.

But this morning, when I woke up to shit, my roommate was in the shower.  And my morning shit does not like to wait.  Not for a minute.

First, I looked for a place to shit outside.  But I live in a residential area, and there are no brushes or woods nearby. 

So I went back inside, and opened the closet to grab a bucket.  I read in a book that you can put a garbage bag inside a bucket and sit down on it and use it like a toilet.  So that was my first idea.  But the bucket was buried under a bunch of stuff in the closet, and I thought I'd shit my pants if I dug for it.

So I grabbed to two grocery bags instead, and put one inside of the other.  Then I squatted down, held the double-bag below my ass like a diaper, and took a shit into it.  I actually executed the move perfectly and didn't spill so much as a drop of pee on the floor.

This was literally the first thing that happened when I got out of bed this morning.

Friday, September 6, 2019


If you fake it
Till you make it
You can't wonder
Why your life
Is fake

Authenticity is king
Always has been
Always will be
Is the undefeated
Strap holding
Crown wearing
Greatest of all time

Authenticity is both
A shield
And a sword

Authenticity makes sense
Out of nonsense

Authenticity tells the truth
Even when it's not convenient

Authenticity is transparent

Authenticity learns lessons
And shares them

In the sharing
There is power

Authenticity has love
And shows it

Authenticity speaks for itself
And doesn't need anyone
To speak for it

Authenticity doesn't know
What people say about it
Because it doesn't give a shit

Authenticity is strong
And dedicated
And loving
And kind
And generous

Authenticity doesn't hide
Behind closed doors
Or closed mouths

Authenticity doesn't hide
From shit

To do that
Would be to dim its shine
And authenticity shines
As bright as possible
That's its job
Like the sun

Authenticity knows
Life is theater

Five Perks Of Pursuing Your Dreams

1) I have six dollars in my bank account until my more than seven-week late unemployment check arrives (if it arrives)

2) My rent check is about to bounce because my unemployment check is seven weeks late

3) I have an anxiety attack every time I have to spend money.  Every time.

4) I hate going to the grocery store now (something I used to love) because I can't afford it

5) I have a panic attack at the beginning of each month, about the time rent is due, and have to call my Mom

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Finding Purpose

I have little
To no reason
To do anything today
I won't be paid
Despite my best efforts
And despite
What I need to survive

So why should I do anything

I have dreams
But I had them before, too
And they got me here
To thanklessness
So why follow them
Into another abyss

Because there's no other choice

Chase your dreams
Or chase someone else's
Freedom is reserved
For the dead

Sunday, September 1, 2019

This Train

Get on board
Or get off
Because this train
Is moving
The path is not
Always clear
But the destination
Is chosen
This train
Is bound for glory
And it will only stop
When God stops it

This train is righteous
This train is brave
This train is loving
This train is kind
This train is strong
This train is humble
This train is patient
This train is generous

There is no conductor
Only God
Can stop this train

Heroes And Lovers

I tried to write a love story
But the hero kept losing
So I started over
And tried again
And thought
Maybe the hero
Just isn't a lover

But that can't be
All heroes are lovers
That's why they're heroes
So what's wrong
With this one
Maybe he's no hero at all
Maybe he's an impostor
If there's no love
Then there's no hero

At least he's trying, though
That's better than nothing
He could just give up
But he knows
Nothing good comes easy