I tried to talk to her afterwards. The first time, all I could get out was like, "Great job" or "awesome" or some generic bullshit like that. I had nothing for her. Then I shook her hand. There were other people around her trying to talk to her, so I went up to the front and bought a copy of her magazine while I tried to think of something to say.
I still hadn't thought of anything to say to her on the way out, so I decided to go up the street and drink a beer and read her magazine. Hopefully, that would get the wheels turning. I left my bike back at the party, so I had a reason to come back and talk to her again once the crowd left.
I drank my beer, read her magazine and walked back to the party. Thankfully she was still there.
"Hey, I'm Eddie."
We shake hands and she gives me her name. I still couldn't come up with one word for her, so I followed the same rule that I follow for writing which is "always start with one true sentence."
"I just drank a beer and read your magazine and I had to come back and talk to you. I really enjoyed it."
She smiled at that, which meant it was a good first sentence. Then there was a pause. I looked for sentence number two, but it didn't come. She was looking at me, waiting for me to say something. And I had nothing. I wanted to give her all the love and praise and admiration n the world. I was fascinated by her. I wanted to give her everything. And I had nothing. No words. I was dumbfounded and speechless. I was completely awestruck by her. I couldn't get another word out.
When I said, "That's it," I saw her face drop. She was looking at me like, "Are you kidding me? That's it? That's the best you have?" And it was. I had nothing. The only thing I can compare it to is being with the most beautiful woman of your life and not being able to get hard-on. I have never felt so useless.
I had no idea what to say. And she knew it too. She looked at me like, "you're an idiot." And I was like, "I know." I've never been so disappointed in myself.
There were a million things I wanted to say. How could I possibly be expected to process all of that within the span of one beer in twenty minutes? Hopefully I see her again. I won't forget her name. It's on my bookshelf now.