Thursday, February 21, 2019

More Of A Want Than A Need: Finally Getting To The Bottom Of My Dating Life (I think)

I get asked about my dating life often.  Not because it's interesting.  I don't date anyone, and I haven't for a long time.  People ask me why.  The truth is, I don't know.  I've spent years trying to figure it out.  I've read books and taken self-help courses.  I've talked to friends, family and even a therapist.  I still don't know why girls don't like me.

The thing about blind spots is you can't see them, and apparently nobody else around me can, either.  If they do see why, they aren't telling me.  Maybe they don't want to hurt my feelings.  Maybe they think I won't listen.  Maybe they already told me, and I just didn't hear it.  However it happened, I still don't know why I'm alone.

I'm not alone in being alone.  I went to a comedy show the other night.  There were five comedians.  Three of them were guys lamenting about how they were single.  It was pretty sad, really.  I told myself, "Don't ever go around blubbering about how you can't get a girl.  It's not a good look."  But I must admit that my feelings about being alone are mixed.

On the one hand, it's is a choice.  I could walk up to strangers and ask for their phone numbers, but I don't.  Not any more.  I don't want to deal with the emotional trauma.  It's like cold calling.  It takes a toll on you after a while.  I still believe that men get married simply because they get tired of being cold callers.  I did too.  I stopped dating completely.  The only difference is I didn't have a wife yet.  I'm like a married man who is in a relationship with himself.  Of course I want sex.  But I jerk off.  And of course I want company.  But I have friends.  So I don't really NEED anything.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe finding a partner is more of a want than a need, and I'm so busy getting my other needs met that I don't have the capacity for it.  I guess finding a partner just hasn't been a high enough priority to make it on my schedule.  Whatever that means.