Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Great Art Is Made When The Spirit Is In Control

Being an artist means training the ego.  I believe the defining characteristic of a great artist is originality.  Think of any great artist, in any genre: music, painting, poetry, literature.  Then ask yourself if anyone like them ever came before them.  The answer is no, and that is what makes them great.

The question then is how do you become original?  You don't become original.  You were born original.  No one, ever in the history of the world has experienced the Universe exactly the way you have.  That means you have a unique perspective.  What clouds your unique perspective, and robs you of your originality, is your ego.

All egos are the same.  They have one objective: to get all of the money and all of the pussy.  We all have the same base impulses.  There is nothing original about them.  When the ego is talking, it doesn't have anything original to say.  That's why I can't stand hearing rappers talk about money and pussy.  It's all ego, and it's all bullshit.  There's nothing original about it.

"Originality" is really just another word for "authenticity."  To become truly authentic requires deep spiritual work.  All great art comes from deep within the spirit.  To connect with the Spirit, you have to look beyond the ego - beyond your own thoughts and emotions.  All great artists, including those with big egos, did their best work when they were able to see past their own thoughts and emotions connect with the Spirit.  The Spirit gives you an objective view of yourself.

You connect with the Spirit when you are in the space between your thoughts.  There are many ways to do this.  Athletes connect with it when they get in the zone.  Musicians get in the zone too.  So do meditators.  So do artists.  It's all the same.  It's a state of flow and you can get to it any time, any where by going to the space between your thoughts.  You train this mechanism through meditation.

Any time you are so focused on what you are doing that you lose track of your thoughts, you are connected with the Spirit.  Meditation allows you to connect with the Spirit and focus on what you are doing, by training you to think about nothing.  You don't think, you just do.  When you do things right, it feels like you aren't even doing them at all.  They're just doing themselves.  That's because your ego - your thoughts and emotions - are out of the way and the Spirit is in control.  Great art is made when the Spirit is in control.

Monday, February 25, 2019

The Infinite Dance: Why I Write About My Life

My job is to publish my entire life and be completely authentic, and I've learned it's not about holding on to your identity.  It's about letting go of it.  The identity is a prison and once you let go of it, you are free.  Once you no longer identify as the person you thought you were, you are free to live the way you want.

People think if they let go of their identity, they will lose their mind.  That is not true.  Your mind will continue to function just fine.  Letting go of your identity simply trains your mind to experience things as if you were watching them happen to someone else, or to a movie character.  You still get emotionally involved, but not the same as if it was happening to you.  The "you" is your Spirit, and it is unmoved by your thoughts and emotions. It just watches them come and go, like waves crashing and rolling back out to sea.

The Spirit doesn't have an identity because we all share it.  It's in every living thing.  It's even in non-living things, because they are made of atoms and molecules, just like we are.  Our atoms and molecules are not ours to keep.  At some point, our time will pass the Universe will use them to create something else.  The nature of the Universe is to evolve, and it's all part of the infinite dance.

Why do I feel compelled to write about my life?  Because I find it beautiful.  Because I find the people in it beautiful.  Because I find the whole Universe beautiful.  What a shame it would be if I hid that beauty because of what someone else thought I should be.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Dangerous: The Reason I Don't Know Any Billionaires

The Spirit called me today before work, so I picked up the phone.  He told me I don't have any billionaire friends.  And he told me why.

I don't know any billionaires because they don't want to be known by people like me.  I publish my entire life, and that is very dangerous to them.  They have a lot to hide.  They want to live in secrecy, because they take advantage of people.  That's why Donald Trump trashes any journalist who doesn't suck from the same corporate tits that he does.

When I lived Downtown, I was at a pool party and struck up a conversation with an Australian who was a crew member on a giant yacht that was docked in the harbor.  I asked who the owner was.  He told me the owner was a "very private man" and he couldn't tell me anything about him.  I didn't press the issue because I could tell it was part of his job to keep the owner's identity secret.  Billionaires do not want you to know what they are up to.  They don't even want you to know who they are.

They love to get up on stage and talk at you, but they don't listen to you.  They don't give a shit about you.  They don't like you.  They are trying to exploit you.  That's why they don't want you to know what they've been up to.  Ask Bob Kraft what he's been up to.

Friday, February 22, 2019

What Winners Know

What is life
Without a few scars

If you don't know pain
Then you don't know joy

If you didn't fall
Then you didn't walk

If you've never truly cried
Then you've never truly laughed

If you didn't lose
Then you've never won

Scars are like trophies
But they don't show what you won
They show what you learned
And that's more valuable
Than anything that sits on the shelf

Thursday, February 21, 2019

Intense: The Reason Girls Don't Like Eddie

After my last post, one of my brilliant and insightful friends made me realize why girls don't like me.  This was a tremendous gift.  It did not break my heart.  I'm actually doing quite well with it.  The reason girls don't like me is because I'm intense.

When I was younger, I was intense because I held on to my emotions.  I did that because my emotions used to drive me.  I was afraid that if I let go of my emotions, I would lose my drive.  Now I know the opposite is true.  I'm still intense, but now I'm just intense because I have a lot of energy.

I have a lot I want to do and I have no time to waste.  A real "alpha female" gets that because she doesn't waste a minute of her time, either.  That is a fact.  Those of us who are on a mission have no time to fuck around.  If you're wasting time in any aspect of your life, especially a relationship, then you are not being "alpha."  Period.  Being an alpha male, or an alpha female, means not wasting one second of your time.  Real "alphas" know that.  I guess we're hard to come by.

More Of A Want Than A Need: Finally Getting To The Bottom Of My Dating Life (I think)

I get asked about my dating life often.  Not because it's interesting.  I don't date anyone, and I haven't for a long time.  People ask me why.  The truth is, I don't know.  I've spent years trying to figure it out.  I've read books and taken self-help courses.  I've talked to friends, family and even a therapist.  I still don't know why girls don't like me.

The thing about blind spots is you can't see them, and apparently nobody else around me can, either.  If they do see why, they aren't telling me.  Maybe they don't want to hurt my feelings.  Maybe they think I won't listen.  Maybe they already told me, and I just didn't hear it.  However it happened, I still don't know why I'm alone.

I'm not alone in being alone.  I went to a comedy show the other night.  There were five comedians.  Three of them were guys lamenting about how they were single.  It was pretty sad, really.  I told myself, "Don't ever go around blubbering about how you can't get a girl.  It's not a good look."  But I must admit that my feelings about being alone are mixed.

On the one hand, it's is a choice.  I could walk up to strangers and ask for their phone numbers, but I don't.  Not any more.  I don't want to deal with the emotional trauma.  It's like cold calling.  It takes a toll on you after a while.  I still believe that men get married simply because they get tired of being cold callers.  I did too.  I stopped dating completely.  The only difference is I didn't have a wife yet.  I'm like a married man who is in a relationship with himself.  Of course I want sex.  But I jerk off.  And of course I want company.  But I have friends.  So I don't really NEED anything.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe finding a partner is more of a want than a need, and I'm so busy getting my other needs met that I don't have the capacity for it.  I guess finding a partner just hasn't been a high enough priority to make it on my schedule.  Whatever that means.

Monday, February 18, 2019

I Applied To The Peace Corps Today

I applied to the Peace Corps today.  Coincidentally, it's President's Day.  Whatever that means.  The Motivation Statement is part of the application.  I guess you're supposed to tell them why you want to join.  Here is what I wrote:

"I'm applying to Peace Corps because I think it's my highest calling right now.  I was an attorney for eight years before I left my legal career to write, learn guitar and make art.  It was the best decision I ever made.  I savor the time I have to do the things I love.  The only thing missing from my life is travel.  If I could travel the globe while contributing to it in a meaningful way, there would be nothing better to me.  So my goal in the Peace Corps is to contribute to the communities I'm serving, while sharing my experiences with the rest of the world through my art and writing.  The thought of this makes me more excited than anything in the world.

I think living and working abroad will be a ripe ground for inspiration.  I spent a summer abroad in Western Europe during law school, and I've been wanting to live abroad again ever since.  I studied European Union law at Oxford University during that summer, and I attended the International Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia in The Hague, Netherlands.  I also spent a couple of weeks traveling, which included stops in France, Ireland, Germany and the Czech Republic.  I still draw inspiration from those experiences.

I first connected with Southeast Asia through my interest in martial arts.  I started training Muay Thai eight years ago, and developed a love for Thai culture.  I was able to visit Thailand for two weeks with some of my training partners, and that trip is one of my most cherished experiences.  I have been longing to go back to that part of the world ever since.

I was raised in San Diego, and I've always wanted to become fluent in Spanish.  I took Spanish all through high school and college and I have visited Mexico many times, but I have never been fully immersed in a Spanish speaking culture.  I speak some Spanish, but I want to become fluent.  I think the best to learn is to live in a Spanish speaking country, so the thought of moving to Central or South America excites me greatly.

Travel has always been a catalyst for personal growth for me.  If I can see the world and help others at the same time, then that is what I want to do.  Getting this opportunity would literally be a dream come true for me, and there is no one who will be more excited to dive in to the experience.  I have been praying that I get accepted to Peace Corps, and I will keep praying for it until it happens or it doesn't.

As I mentioned above, I am not only excited to help others through my work in the Peace Corps, but also to share my experiences through my art and writing.  I keep an ongoing blog and I have a book that I hope to release by the end of this year.  I write and draw and play guitar, and I share these experiences on social media.  I plan to maintain these practices throughout my work with the Peace Corps, and I believe they will be a great way to let everyone know about the positive impact we are making around the world."

Saturday, February 16, 2019

ART POST: Self-Portrait - February 14, 2019

This post is a drawing I did over the course of a few days.  I wrote a journal entry about the drawing on February 14, 2019, which coincidentally is Valentine's Day.  Here is what I wrote:

"A little while ago I wrote a poem called "The Best Rainy Day."  That day is now the second best rainy day.  Because today was even better.  I didn't know what I was going to draw until I started drawing.  The first thing that came out was my name.  Then I made it 3-D and colored it.  Then I wanted to draw a figure or something, and I thought a person meditating would be cool.  Then I decided to put a skull on him to remind me to always be present and never take the future for granted.  The skull isn't any kind of morbid thing.  It's just a reminder to be grateful that you're here.  Be happy right now."

Under that are the words, "Self-Portrait, February 14, 2019."

Followed by, "Life is a master class, and the game is 'no ego.'"

Thank you for checking out my work.

Sunday, February 10, 2019


(This post can be read independent of Part I, or together with it, but if you like this one then please read Part I too 🙏🏼)

I meditate 20 minutes per day. I have a special meditation chair which I use because it allows me to sit comfortably for the duration of the exercise. I sit cross-legged (Native style) or in half-lotus. I place my palms in my lap. I close my eyes. I focus purely on my breathing. I feel my breath come in through my nose and go down into my lungs, then come up and out of my mouth without pause between the inhale and exhale. Thoughts will enter my mind, but I refocus my attention onto my breathing. The goal is to stay in the space between my thoughts - where I am thinking nothing - that's when I am connected with God. By God, I mean the Spirit that connects all things and powers the entire Universe. It's inside all of us, and you connect with it every time you enter the space between your thoughts.

During stressful times, your mind might be a giant black cloud of thoughts. Like smoke trapped in a building. But by focusing your energy on your breathing and entering the space between your thoughts, the clouds of smoke dissipate and soon you can see things with calm and clarity again - the path becomes clear. It's like a release valve that lets all the clouds of smoke out.

That's why meditating is the first thing I do when I start to feel stressed out or overwhelmed. It's counter-intuitive to think that the best thing to do when you have a million things to do is to sit still and do nothing, but it is. There's a proverb that says you should meditate for 20 minutes per day, unless you don't have time. In that case, you should meditate 60 minutes per day. I believe that to be true. The state of clarity I achieve through meditation allows me to objectively chart the best course of action and execute it without being preoccupied with other things. It not only saves me time in the long run, but also makes me more focused and therefore more effective. Meditation improves my performance in every aspect of my life simply because it frees me up to focus on what I am doing instead of being preoccupied. The difference in performance is not incremental, but exponential.

Meditation not only improved my work. More importantly, it improved my relationships with others. The more you meditate, the more aware you become of how you are feeling. The better you are at recognizing how you feel, the better you become at recognizing how others feel, and the result is that you become more empathetic. This ultimately makes you a better son, brother, friend and business partner. At least it has for me. I am not perfect at anything I do, but I am a lot better than I was before I started meditating. Happiness used to seem like an impossible aspiration to me, but I realized that it comes from meaningful work and meaningful relationships. If you have those two things, then you have everything you need to be happy.

It's no cliche to say meditation has changed my life. It's a fact. Meditation, reading and writing are three of the major keys to my continued growth and therefore continued ability to contribute to those around me. Meditation was the key to me realizing what I need to be happy.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

MEDITATION SERIES, PART 1 OF 2: When The Ego Dies, The Spirit Flies - Why Stepping In Poop Doesn't Matter

You have to fight in life. You don't have a choice. The only question is which weapon you choose. Some people fight with their fists. Dumb people fight with knives and guns and bombs and missiles. Smart people choose the pen. So that's what I did.

I'm a lover. I don't like hurting people. I have no desire to do physical violence to anybody. But I love doing violence to broken institutions and broken ways of thinking. I love doing violence to egos. It's what gets me off.

By killing my ego, I'm doing everyone a favor - most of all, myself. I would kill your ego too if I could, because I know it would be the best thing that's ever happened to you, but I can't. That's not how it works. You have to choose to kill it yourself. You're the only one who can kill your own ego.

I don't know if the ego ever completely dies. I'm not that righteous yet. But I do know that you can continually let go of your ego until you hardly even notice it. The ego is like a yappy dog. The less you listen to it, the less it barks, until eventually it gets old and tired and just sits there. That's when your spirit is really free. Sometimes the dog starts barking again, and it feels like there is a great disturbance in the force - I can't find a job, I can't make my rent, I'm out of food stamp credits and I'm down to my last nugget of weed. But you just let these experiences pass through you too. You still feel the pain, but you don't engage with it. You don't fight it. You don't even resist it. You don't get mad it. You just let it pass through you.

Over time, all the disturbances start to feel the same. There are no big or small disturbances. You just recognize that there's been a disturbance, and you let it go. Letting go is a skill, and like any skill it can be mastered. It's like a muscle that gets stronger the more you train it. The stronger your "letting go" mechanism gets, the higher your spirit goes. Every time you let go, your spirit is uplifted and you break through to a new plain of consciousness. You realize that all of your problems are really just one problem - your ego - and that you have the choice to let it go and be free from it at all times.

This means you have no more problems. There will be events, but no problems. You will get stuck in a traffic jam. The neighbor's dog will bark. You might even step in poop every once in a while. But you will just let these things go because they aren't worth sacrificing your happiness for. If you knew there was a meteor headed for you in ten seconds, and there could be, the poop on your shoe would hardly matter. That's an extreme example, but it illustrates the point that there's no sense in worrying about these things. You really could get struck by lightning at any moment. It's happened to people before.

People think that if they let go of their worries, they will have nothing to do. In reality, it's the opposite of that. You will have everything to do, and all the time to do it, because you will no longer be anxious or preoccupied. You will have the calm and presence of mind to chart the appropriate course of action and the focus to executite it one task at a time. This is the key to productivity. You will find that your attitude, energy and efficiency all skyrocket. I know this to be true because I have experienced it myself. You really can let go of everything that bothers you and it really is as glorious as you think it would be. The key is to let go of your ego, and the way to do it is by meditating.

(THANKS READING PART I OF THIS SERIES - I will release the second part tomorrow.  Part II goes into the technical details of my meditation practice and talks about the benefits of meditation outside of the work environment.)

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Last Minute Pregnancy Termination: Guess What? It's Another Healthcare Issue

I got my healthcare plan in the mail today, which is a big deal to me.  As someone who had healthcare his whole life, and then didn't, I realized how important it is.  That's why part of me was bothered when I heard about the new legislation regarding late term pregnancy termination.  I consider myself a full supporter of women's rights and I'm generally liberal on social issues, but this one bothered me.  Under this legislation, a woman who is dilating - about to give birth - can request an abortion.  I'm not a doctor, but my understanding of the procedure is they essentially have to deliver the baby and then either kill it or not resuscitate it - which is fucked up to me.

It got me thinking about philosophical questions like when does consciousness enter the human mind?  Is it when the baby's eyes open?  When they take their first breath?  Or sometime time before that?  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that nobody knows.  Only God knows.  And if only God knows, then maybe humans shouldn't cut it so close.

I asked myself, "why do we even need to cut it that close?"

That question made me realize this is no philosophical issue at all.  It's not even a women's rights issue.  This is a healthcare issue.  And it's a class issue.  And it's a class issue because it's a healthcare issue.  It's not going to be rich girls getting these procedures.  It's going to be society's most vulnerable girls.  The rich girls will never be in that position because they're armed with doctors and regular checkups and up-to-date information and supportive families.  But not everyone has that - and that's the real problem.

People who are armed with the right information at the right time don't have to abort a baby as it's come out of their body.  Rich girls won't have to.  It's going to be the poor girls, because they weren't getting regular checkups before or during their pregnancy because they did not have access to them. That is the real problem.

As a true supporter of women's rights, I believe the best way to help women is by getting them the resources they need (healthcare, doctors, checkups) BEFORE they ever get pregnant and THROUGHOUT the whole pregnancy, so that they never have to make an impossible decision like whether to abort a baby as the kid's head is coming out.

That is real love and support for my sisters, if you ask me.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

The Answer To All The World's Problems

Today's post is a poem.  It's a bold move to try to tackle all the world's problems.  There is only one way.  This poem talks about it.

The Answer To All The World's Problems
I love that part of the struggle
It was what my Spirit needed to grow
I had to learn to stop resisting
And just go with the flow
Just relax and let the love flow
That's all you have to do
And everything works out fine
There is literally nothing to fear
Just relax and let the love flow

Drawing is something I love to do, but have not been making time for.  I did a drawing today and enjoyed it so much I decided to add it to my regimen and make it one of my daily activities.  I have been drawing since I was a kid and it feels great to be getting back into it.  I'm already hyped on getting some books about it and learning new techniques.  I want to do more painting also.  I am very, very excited about this.  Can't wait to share my creations with everyone.

Monday, February 4, 2019

The Best Rainy Day

I had the best day
It could have been shit
It rained all morning
I rolled one and lit

I printed my resume
I played my guitar
I'm really just happy
I made it this far

I don't know what happened
I don't know what will
The rain's coming harder
But I remain still

God was listening
He's bringing it down
But nothing can turn
My smile to a frown

Today is the day
Nothing can break it
God knows it too
He wants me to take it

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Half The Story: Why We Should Audit The Government's Budget Each Year, Just Like They Audit Ours

I watched Fox News for about ten minutes the other day because my friend was.  I know my friend is politically liberal, so I asked him why he was watching that.  He said he was trying to become more tolerant.  I found that admirable, so I sat down with him.  He gave me some pizza, which was a nice bonus.

I quickly realized the story Fox News told was far different from what I would hear on a liberal news outlet.  I also realized that if I were only getting news from one side or the other, my perspective would be greatly skewed in that direction.  I don't consider myself a Republican or a Democrat, simply because I don't side with either of them on all issues.  I'm an issue to issue kind of guy.  I guess you could call me an Independent.  I side with Democrats on issues like healthcare, public school funding, first and second amendment issues, and criminal justice reform.  However, I side with Republicans in that I hate taxes and bureaucracy.  Some would say, "how the fuck are you going to pay for healthcare if you aren't going to raise taxes?"  Well, here is the answer to that question.

There are two sides to every balance sheet.  If you want to spend more money on healthcare without taking more money in, then you cut spending from other things.  Any real business man knows that if you are a business hemorrhaging money (which we are - the national debt is over $21 Trillion and counting as I write this), the very first thing you do is take inventory of all of your expenses and cut every single dime that isn't absolutely necessary.  So what's absolutely necessary?  What do you want the government to provide for you?  Healthcare, schools, roads and rails, law enforcement, and military.  That's about it.  Every other dime gets cut.

So what gets cut then?

I don't know.  And nobody knows.  And that's the problem.  We're still only getting half the story.  The government doesn't publish an annual budget.  They don't have to, but they should be required.  They all should be required to: Federal, state, local.  They should all have to publish their budgets each year.  The government should have to report to us just like we have to report to the IRS and the state agencies.  They should be held accountable, just like we are.  And that report should be ON TIME, EVERY TIME, just like it is when we have to pay our taxes.  What this country really needs is an AUDIT.  An unbiased look at where the fuck our money is going.  Because nobody knows right now.  If I was going to run for President, and I some day might, it's gonna be on the platform that we're gonna audit the books of very motherfucking federal, state and county government in the whole country.  We're going to find out where the fuck our money is going.  Then we'll REALLY know what to do.  Right now, the public is running around like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off because we're listening to the media and only getting half the story.  Meanwhile these crook politicians in Washington and elsewhere are making out like bandits because they don't have to be held accountable.  Where's the accounting?  Where's the balance sheets?  That's what we're missing.  What we THE PEOPLE need is a national audit, and that shit needs to be made public so everyone can see how their money is being spent.  Then we would have some real answers.

Heads would roll, and it would be the right ones.