Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Chasing The Mailman And Other Great Investments

You've never seen a man so happy to get a mail delivery before. Today, I finally got my Bose headphones. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I use them every day. At least once a day. For hours. It's ridiculous. I need them. And now I have them. It's glorious.

Part of the reason having these headphones is so sweet is because the road here was difficult. I decided to spring on some Bose headphones because the ones I was buying kept breaking and it was a real pain in the ass to keep getting new ones. So I ponied up $130 for some Bose headphones on Amazon and they were supposed to be at my house in two days with my Prime membership. I wait two days, check the mailbox, and there's no headphones, but there's a pink ticket with a request for signature. So I sign it and put it back in the mailbox, annoyed that I have to wait another day to get my fucking headphones.

The next day I happen to arrive home from the coffee shop at the same time the mailman is at my place delivering the mail. So I ask him about the package. He says he doesn't have it because he needed the signed ticket to deliver it, but he said I could go pick it up right now at the post office location a couple miles away. As I'm going to my car, the mailman reminds me not to forget the pink ticket. So I go back to the mailbox and grab the pink ticket, grateful for the heads up. Then I get in the car.

I sit in traffic the whole way over there to pick it up. Get there. There's only one guy working there and I have to wait 20 minutes in the cold, concrete lobby that feels like a jail cell while the guy tries in vain to track down my package in their giant fucking warehouse. He finally comes back empty handed. No headphones. I'm furious. I just went an hour out of my way for something that should have been delivered to my doorstep. On the way out, I say, "That was a fucking nightmare." Everyone laughed. Because it was true. They knew it was true because they were going through it, too. Even the poor guy working there was going through it. It must have been worse for him then it was for me. Fucking hell.

So I sit in traffic all the way back home. As I finally pull up to my place, I see the mailman driving away up the hill. So I chase him. It was a short chase. I wasn't driving fast or anything. But I get up behind him at a red light and I honk and wave out my driver's side window to get his attention. But the mailman sits on the opposite side of the car. On the right side. So he can't see me. So I get out of the car at the red light and go up to the mailman's window and knock on the window. He sees me and the light turns green, so I get back in my car and he pulls over, like a homie. I pull over and tell him what happened. He took the pink ticket and told me he would bring the package this morning at the beginning of his route around 9:30 a.m. I thanked him gratefully for his help. If I didn't get that pink ticket to him yesterday, I would have had to wait another day for my headphones. I wouldn't have them right now. That would have been a great tragedy. Those Bose headphones were a great investment. Just like chasing the mailman. That was a great investment, too. You know what else are a great investment? Mailmen. Try getting your stuff without them.

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