Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Some Notes On Dreams

Everybody starts with dreams.  But then the world beats them up and tells them to get a job instead.  Most people listen because they don't think they have a choice.  It's that, or get beat up again.  Others don't listen and keep chasing their dreams no matter how many times they get beat up.  When one dream dies, they just carry right on with a new one.  That's the real secret to living dreams.  You just start today and keep doing it.  You do the verb every single day until you become the noun.  That's really all there is to it.  Pick up the guitar.  Learn to dance.  Start taking gymnastics.  Even if you're 190 years old.  That dream is still there waiting for you to be lived.  That dream is not there by accident.  It's there because you're supposed to do it.

Friday, December 6, 2019

Bugs

If the money bug isn't itching
Then the sex bug is
If it isn't them
Then it's the mosquitoes
There's no escape
From the bugs

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

A Glorious Act

In writing
As in any
Pure form
Of expression
One lives
In the past
The present
And the future
All at the same time

Summoning acquired skills
To communicate feelings
Excited by the act of sharing them
And the possibilities
They might unlock

A record that I was here
And I saw these things
And I did my part
As both a witness
And a participant

Poetry & Nonsense

Intro
It's my belief that the most important things in life can be explained very simply.  If you can't explain it in a few words, you probably don't understand it that well.  The longer a person's explanation gets, the more likely it is to be inaccurate.  Ask a liar what happened, and you will get a long story or no story at all.  The ultimate truth is simple (and typically funny, at the expense of those hiding it).  Anyone who tells you "it's not that simple" should be thoroughly deposed, with witnesses.  It almost certainly is "that simple."

Poetry & Nonsense
It's my opinion
That poetry
Should make sense
Both
To the writer
And to the reader
Otherwise
It's not poetry
It's nonsense
If it can't be explained
Very simply
It's nonsense

Monday, October 14, 2019

Nobody

I am the way
And the truth
And the life

Who believed in Jesus
More than old Jesus?

Nobody

Saturday, October 12, 2019

Jealousy

Jealousy relies on
Deception
And misdirection
Rather than power

Jealousy lies in wait
And sets traps
Preying on any vulnerability

It takes great courage
To be vulnerable
When you're surrounded
By jealous vultures

Jealousy acts this way
Because it has no power
Jealousy is powerless
Have you ever been jealous
Of someone who wasn't
Better than you?
Jealousy feels the way it does
Because it can't do shit

Jealousy is recognition
That you're in the presence
Of a greater man

Jealousy is notice
That you should
Stop staring
And introduce yourself
And start taking notes

Morning Prayer

Dear God
I wish I didn't
Have to share space
With most of these idiots
But since I do
Please give me the patience
To bear their presence
One more day

Standing Out

Maybe I stand out
Because I'm beautiful
Maybe I stand out
Because I'm a bum
But these motherfuckers
Can't stop looking at me
I'll tell you that

Everywhere I go
Every single day
They can't stop looking
Turning their neck
Like they've seen
A goddamn celebrity
Maybe they did
But I don't get paid for it

I'm not trying to stand out
You see
People who try to stand out
Don't
The only way to stand out
Is to be yourself

Maybe being yourself
Is really that rare
That people can't stop looking
Wherever you go
Like you're a walking statue
From a different time

The good thing
About standing out
Is you can tell real people
From fake ones
Just by how they look at you

A douche acts like a douche
From the moment he lays eyes on you
Jealousy is instantaneous
You can tell within seconds
That clown wishes he was you
That girl thinks she's too good
That old man envies your youth
That smart ass wishes he were as tough as you
And that tough guy wishes he were as smart
They can't stop staring
But they ain't smiling
And they ain't got nothing nice to say
They're nothing but damaged egos
Not worth a second thought

The real ones recognize
They like my hair
And they like my shirt
They like my confidence
And they like my style
They stare at me too
Except they smile
And say something

I like standing out
Because it saves me time
I can tell the real ones
From the fake ones
Like that

Friday, October 11, 2019

Civil Disobedience

The single greatest act
Of civil disobedience

The single greatest act
Of rebellion against society

Is to be happy

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Paperwork

I want to go
So long
Without doing paperwork
That I forget
What it's like
To do paperwork

I want to forget
That I ever knew
What it was like
To do paperwork

I want to forget
As if I never knew
At all

From now on
I'll tell them
I'm allergic to paperwork
I get a headache
And my blood pressure rises
I get angry
And mean
To everyone
For no reason
Because it's not them
I'm mad at
It's the paperwork

I'm allergic
To paperwork
I won't touch it again
Paperwork is bad
For my health

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Ant Farm

People on top of people
On top of people
A giant farm
Of angry ants
Burnt out
From scrambling
Their days away

Racing from one buck
To the next
One at a time
As soon as you get one
The next one is due

Sleep just long enough
To get the next one tomorrow
Like a fiend
But not for drugs
That's the only difference
Two slaves
With two different chains

Traffic

There are about ten people
Who I actually want here

The rest are just traffic
Not even good for watching
Because they aren't doing much

There's not much getting done
At all
Just a bunch of traffic



Monday, October 7, 2019

Nice Suit

That's a nice suit
You've got
Even though
You don't know
Why you're wearing it

I bet you think
You're wearing it
For work
But you're not
You're wearing it
For money
The false god
Everyone prays to

You wear it
To be powerful
But your suit
Owns you
More than you
Will ever own it

Your suit
Tells me
You're a slave

That's a nice suit
You've got
Might as well
Be a ball and chain

Into The Wild: The Difference Between Heroes And Phonies

There is only one thing that separates Chris McCandless' story from that of every other hobo, drifter and bum who's ever picked up a Jack Kerouac novel: self-belief.  Chris McCandless really, truly believed in himself.  And it wasn't run-of-the-mill self-belief that everyone who's ever graduated college and got a 9 to 5 job has.  He was on a whole different level.  He had the level of self-belief you would expect Prince, Tom Brady or Brad Pitt to have.  Only people who broke through to the very top of their game.

People are obsessed with Chris' story because he broke through to that level, but it didn't look the way people thought it would.  He was a true artist, philosopher and liver of life, and this is what success looked like to him.  In other words, Chris McCandless made it.  He was wildly successful.  He lived out his most epic fantasy, and had he survived, he would have written the next great American novel and been immortalized in the cannon next to Henry David Thoreau and Mark Twain.  He still was immortalized, but he didn't get to write the novel because he was dead.  John Krakauer had to write it for him.

The fact that Chris' story was told for him, even though he was dead, just tells you how powerful it was.  His story had to be told.  It was too powerful not to be.  His story was powerful because he lived powerfully.  He lived powerfully because he did what he wanted, when he wanted.

The hobos, drifters and bums he's compared to are nothing like him.  They are the polar opposite of him.  Those people run away from their lives out of weakness and fear.  They run into the wilderness to hide, so they don't have to face their truth.  Chris McCandless wasn't running away from his life.  He was running towards it.  This was an act of standing up and claiming what was his.  He was staring his truth down and making it his bitch.

If there was any flaw in his thinking, it was only selfishness.  He was angry with his family at the time, and I think it's possible he didn't fully realize the magnitude and extent of the pain that his loss would cause them.  I think if he did, he might have at least brought a map or an ax.


Sunday, October 6, 2019

Nature

You go into nature
To connect with her
Not to fight with her

If you fight with her
You lose
If you lose
She kills you

The more sure a man is
Of his ability to tame
And control her
The more spectacular she is
In his destruction

Reminding him
And everyone else
Of the golden rule
He regrettably
Dared to forget
Pride is for fools

She’s buried the hardest men
Who’ve ever walked
And she’ll bury
All the next ones too
Making an example
Of each boastful man
Who dares
To push her boundaries

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Faith

There are a million
Preachers and evangelists
Who will tell you
To believe in Jesus
Or this or that

But they’re all wrong

There’s only one thing
You need to believe in
And that’s yourself

Those who lack faith
Believe what others believe
Those who have faith
Believe in themselves

Brilliance

Brilliance
Self-awareness
And self-belief
Are all the same thing

A Love Poem

Some day the people
Who didn't believe in you
Will act like they did
And you'll forgive them
And act like they did too
Because you love them

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Days

Every day
Is a spiritual journey
There are no big ones
Or small ones
Just days
And spiritual journeys
All equally important
None meaning more
Than the last
Or the next
None meaning
Anything at all
Every day
Is just a ride
To be enjoyed

Monday, September 30, 2019

The Day I Die

On the day I die
Don’t let them say
The world lost
A rich man
Or a beautiful man
Or an intelligent man

Let them say
The world lost
A real man

To be rich is common
To be beautiful is common
To be intelligent is common

To be real is rare

So on the day I die
Let them say
The world lost
A real man

The Real Reasons I Do The Things I Love

Last night I got sick to my stomach from smoking too much weed, cumulatively, over the past several weeks.  This was the second time this has happened to me, so I took some time to reflect on why this happened and why I feel compelled to smoke weed until I become violently ill.  The seven hours of vomiting must have given me a revelation, because now I see it crystal clear.

I smoke weed to relieve stress, and I am stressed almost all the time, which is why I was smoking a lot.  I used to think that I was stressed because I had jobs I didn't like, but I don't have that problem anymore.  I was fired from all the jobs I didn't like.  If I have any regrets about it, it's only that I didn't quit sooner.  So if I am free from all the jobs I didn't like, then why am I so stressed all the time?

Almost all of my waking hours are spent doing things I enjoy: reading, writing, training, meditating, business, food prep, drawing and playing the guitar.  I perform each of these activities on my own time, and I keep record of all of my sessions to track my progress towards specific goals I have for each activity.  My goals run my schedule, which is good.  But my goals were also running my emotions, which is bad.

After puking for seven hours last night, I realized that I have always measured my life by the goals I accomplished rather than by how much I actually enjoy my life.  The result was a person who was modestly accomplished, but completely unhappy.  My self-worth was always tied to fulfilling the goals I set out to accomplish, and that is why I always felt stressed.  When you tie your self-worth to accomplishments, you will always feel incomplete and you will always feel pressure to accomplish more.  The next carrot will only gratify you for a short time before you are craving another one.

Doing things for recognition, money or awards makes you a slave to them, even if you love the things you're doing.  You will grow to resent them and even hate them because you're doing them for the wrong reasons.  The only real reason to do anything is because you enjoy doing the activity.  The enjoyment is the end, in itself.  No awards.  No promotions.  No cameras.  No money.  Just you having fun.  If you start doing things for any reason other than fun, then they cease to be fun.  They become a chore - an obligation - something you resent.  This is true of all of your favorite activities, even sex.

Because I always measured myself by accomplishments, I always felt like there was something wrong with me.  The feeling that there was always something wrong with me drove me to addictive and abusive behaviors, like smoking too much weed.  Looking back on my life, I can see that all of my destructive behaviors were rooted in the feeling that something is wrong with me, and I always felt like something was wrong with me because I always measured myself by accomplishments (rather than by how much I was enjoying my life).

Even if you love what you do, you can still stress yourself into oblivion by focusing on how good you are rather than how much fun you are having.  Someone who does things for fun doesn't get stressed.  Not even when they are in contention for an award, bonus or promotion.  Why?  Because that's not why they do it.  Their self-worth isn't tied to it.  Someone who is truly doing something for fun doesn't give a shit if they ever win an Emmy, write a bestseller, go platinum or make it to the big leagues.

Puking my guts out last night made me realize that I was putting so much pressure on myself to be good at the things I was doing, that they were causing me great stress even though they were things I loved.  The kicker is that putting pressure on myself to be good at those things wasn't making me any better at them.  It was actually making me worse.  Putting pressure on myself was actually inhibiting me by adding stress, nervousness, anxiety (and even dread) to things I like doing.

With that said, I decided to recover from my over-smoking problem by getting back in touch with the real reasons I do the things I love.  I wrote them down so I don't forget.  Here they are:


  • Play your guitar because you have wanted to play it since you were a kid and because of how good it feels when you get in the groove of stringing notes and chords together to form songs.
    • Pay no mind to whether you ever play in a show or release an album.  Those things will happen when they are meant to, if they are meant to, and it's not your job to worry about them.  Your job is to play the guitar and have as much fun as possible doing it.

  • Train for your health and fitness.  Train for how good it makes you look and feel, and for the moments of peace you have after a hard workout.
    • Pay no mind to being a professional athlete, or trainer.  Pay no mind to making any money off of sports, whatsoever.

  • Write because it's the only way you've been able to make sense out of your life.  
    • Pay no mind to whether anyone reads it.

  • Read because you enjoy it and because it enriches your life.
    • Reading is not something you have to do to be a good writer.  It's an end, in itself.  It's something you have enjoyed since you were a kid and it is something that has continuously made your life better in pretty much every way.

  • Meditate because it brings you peace.  Meditation is the closest thing you have ever found to peace, so do it.
    • Don't do it to unlock superpowers.  Do it to make yourself feel good (which actually is a superpower, in itself).

  • Only engage in business activities you are excited about.  If you don't want to do it, then don't.  Period.

  • Prepare your food with love, attention and gratitude.  Take your time when eating and be conscious of the fact that what you are eating is a gift from the Earth so you can keep doing what you were put here to do.

  • Share your work in person and online because you love connecting with people and appreciating each others' work.
    • Pay no mind to amassing fans, followers and likes.  The only thing that matters are the authentic connections you make with people, and the only way to get those is by being authentic.




Sunday, September 29, 2019

Heroes

The thing about heroes
Is they get to keep living
After they die
In the minds
And the hearts
Of those they inspire

A hero's energy
Can be felt
For generations
And for miles around

The heroes never actually die
Their Spirit keeps living
In the minds
And the hearts
Of those they inspire

Some of them
You know
Some of them
You don't
But all of them inspired someone
That's why they're heroes
Heroes inspire others
But they inspire themselves, first
Only once one has inspired himself
Can he inspire others

He inspires himself by
Following dreams and visions
Which provide his road map
And lead him to action
The path he follows
Is that which leads to his dreams
To follow another path
Would make him less than a hero
And he knows that
He chose the harder path
For the better prize at the end
Fulfillment is what he's after
Satisfaction of a deep desire
To do something good in the world
That's what makes a hero happy

If you show someone love today
Then you're a hero

There are no big heroes
Or small heroes
All heroes are the same
They have a million faces
And a million names
We see them every day
Some we've known for years
Others we just met
Others we only know
From the messages they left behind

The great ones leave clues
Like footprints to an enchanted place
Giving a you glimpse and
Showing you the footprints
And if you keep following
The footprints
For long enough
Then eventually you
See what they saw
And you become one of them

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Self-Belief

Self-belief is what decides
Who lives their dreams
And who doesn't

Those who make it
Believe in themselves
Those who don't
Don't

Self-belief is often faked
And impersonated
By people who recognize
How powerful self-belief is
But haven't done
What's necessary to acquire it

Self-belief can only be acquired
By action in the face of fear
By setting goals and reaching them
By launching missions
And accomplishing them
By chasing dreams
And battling valiantly in victory
And in defeat

Self-belief has no place
For the quiet
The timid
Or the shy

Like a diamond
Self-belief doesn't feel the need to shine
It just does

Self-belief is secure
Self-belief is humble
Self-belief is mature
Self-belief is patient

Self-belief pays no mind
To any coward
Weakling
Or fool
Who has the audacity
To doubt it
Self-belief knows
That all doubters
Are cowards
weaklings
And fools
And will remain such
Due to their own doubt

Self-belief isn't worried about the outcome
Because the results are always
The way they should be
When you love the process

Self-belief loves the process
And would do it for food, water and shelter alone
If that meant it didn't have to do anything else

Self-belief is the subject of great jealousy
From phonies, fakes, liars and punks
Who are drawn to the shine of self-belief
But are unwilling to pay its price
Because they are too scared
Or too weak
Or too foolish
To do what's necessary

Self-belief allows
Doubts, fears and setbacks
To pass right through it
Unobstructed
Because self-belief knows
That doubts, fears and setbacks
Are part of the process, too

Self-belief is grateful
For the support and recognition it receives

Self-belief tells the truth
Self-belief has integrity
Self-belief is authentic
Self-belief is transparent

The more transparent a person's self-belief is
The stronger it is
Transparent self-belief is our greatest weapon

An easy way to know
Whether or not a person believes in themselves
Is to look at their motives
A person motivated by fame, money or power
Can never truly believe in themselves
A person whose world revolves around money
Fame or power
Will always be insecure
No matter how much they have
Because too much money, fame or power
Is never enough

True power is independent
Of money, fame and influence
True power is knowledge of the self
True power is self-belief
True power can only be acquired
By doing what you want
When you want
True power can only be acquired through freedom

And freedom can only
Be acquired
By doing what you want
When you want
Only in those moments
Are you truly free

Self-belief loses jobs
Friends
And family members
Who don't believe in it
And it loses them
As quickly as possible

A man who does what he wants
When he wants
Possesses self-belief
A man who possesses self-belief
Does what he wants
When he wants
They are one and the same

The very definition of self-belief
Is doing what you want
When you want

Self-belief is an act of courage
Self-belief is an act of rebellion
Self-belief is an act of war

It's an act of war on all the constructs
That told you, you couldn't be
Whatever it is you want to be

Self-belief is an act of war on every false limitation
That's ever been placed on you
Self-belief is an act of truth
In a sea of lies

Self-belief sets the slaves free
And jails all the masters

Self-belief treats everyone the same

Self-belief has self-love

Self-belief stays focused on what it's doing
Because there's nothing else to do



Sunday, September 22, 2019

Love My Job

If you love your job enough
That you would do it
For food, water and shelter alone
In order to keep doing it
And not have to do anything else
Then you love your job

Human Sacrifices To False Gods

Soldiers sent to battle
In far away lands
Human sacrifices
To the oil gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Peasants starving
While the rich
Choke on their wealth
Human sacrifices
To the money gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Immigrants dying in deserts
And cages
Human sacrifices
To the white gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Children shot dead
At school
Human sacrifices
To the gun gods
For dollars they'll never see
Nor will their family
Even after they get the news
They aren't coming back

Saturday, September 21, 2019

Free To Write Your Own Rules (An Already Rich Man's Advice About Money)

The technocracy works for me
The rat race
The whole thing
It works for me
Because I don't work for it

I don't work for it
Because I do what I want
When I want

The only way to break free
From the rat race
Is to stop
Following its rules

The number one rule
Of the rat race
Is that your life
Revolves around money

You must forget the rule
That your life
Revolves around money
Your life does not revolve around money
Your life revolves around
Doing what you want
When you want
Your life revolves
Around you

You will never, ever
Be happy
If your life revolves around money
No matter how much money you have

You do not need money to survive
I repeat
You do not need money to survive

You need food, water and shelter to survive
You do not need money

Money would do no good
If you were stranded alone on an island
With no place to buy stuff
Because you would still need food, water and shelter
To survive
And you would still have to find it
With a bunch of useless money

Money is no good
Without society
Money does not exist
Without society
And society does not exist
Without money
To leave one
Is to leave both
One is no good
Without the other
You don't need money to survive
You need food, water and shelter

You only need money to survive
If you exist within society
If you exist outside society
Then money is no object

How you do exist outside society?
Do you leave your town?
Your country?
Your planet?

None of those
The break with society
Occurs in the  mind
Or not at all

It's not a physical change
Because the problem isn't
That your mind lives in society
The problem is that society
Lives in your mind
And most of the time
You don't even know it
You follow its rules unconsciously
Without thinking about them
Because everyone else accepts them, too

Breaking free from society
And from money
Requires rewiring your whole mind
Because you were indoctrinated
From the time you could form
And understand words
To believe that your life
Revolves around money
And you believed this lie
Your entire life
Because everyone else
Believed the same lie

But just because everyone believes
The same lie
Doesn't mean that it's a fact

Throughout history
Society has held many false beliefs
And throughout history
Those false beliefs have been behind
Every single
War
Famine
Genocide
Mass incarceration
Child exploitation
And human sacrifice
That has ever happened on Earth
The evil use these false beliefs
To target the good
And that is how these events
Have been permitted to happen

Just because everyone
Believes the same lie
Doesn't mean it's a fact
History isn't kind to liars
Or those who believe lies

Just because everyone believes
Your life revolves around money
Doesn't mean it does
Your life does not revolve around money
Your life revolves around
Doing what you want
When you want
Your life revolves around you
And nothing else

When you do what you want
When you want
In that moment
You own the rat race
The rat race no longer owns you
In that moment
You beat the game
You may still live in society
But your mind is free
You are no longer thinking about freedom
You are living it

When you first break free
From the belief that your life
Revolves around money
The thought will come back
Again and again
Causing you to question
Whether this revelation
Could really be true
The thought will come back
When rent comes due
And you're wondering whether
You can afford groceries

This is when faith comes in
You can't escape society without faith
That you will find food, water and shelter
Even though money is no longer
The center of your universe
But remains center of everyone else's

This takes supreme confidence
And self-belief
That many fake
But few possess
The real ones make it out
The fake ones stay trapped
In the machine their whole life

You may change jobs
You may change friends
You may change your family
You may change your habits
You will definitely change
Your relationship with money

It might be the hardest thing
You ever do
But if you do
It will be worth it
You will second guess yourself
A hundred times
But each time you win
By doing what you want
When you want
You get stronger
Because your faith gets stronger
Until eventually
You just do what you want
When you want
All the time
Without thinking about it

You have replaced society's rules
With your own
You haven't removed yourself from
The rat race
You have removed the rat race
From yourself

You freed yourself from the rat race
By freeing yourself from mental dependency
On money
And now you are free
To write your own rules

If you want something, right now
And you can't afford it, right now
Then you don't need it, right now

If you want food, water or shelter right now
And you can't afford it
Then take immediate action to secure it
By telling people that you are hungry, thirsty and need shelter
Transparency about money
Is how the light breaks through
Society will not let you go hungry, or thirsty or without shelter
If you are truly chasing your dreams
If it does
Then society has failed you
And you have not failed it
Because your only job
As long as you're here
Is to do what you want
When you want

When you do what you want
When you want
So consistently
That who you are
And what you want to be
Are one and the same
That is when you have
Truly made it
That is when you are free
From money
That is when society
Works for you

Not when you become President
Not when you become a billionaire
Not when you become famous
Not when you buy a house
Not when you start a business

The day you make it is the day
You free your mind from money

To free your mind from money
Is to free your mind from anxiety
From doubt
From worry
From fear
And from pain

Free your mind
And you free your Spirit

Free your mind
And the familiarities
Of the rat race
Even the ones you despised most
Fall away
And you go through life
With a sense of wonder again
And things look completely different
Even though you're in the same place
You see possibility
Instead of monotony
And take different actions
With different results

The actions are where the magic happens
And you often don't know
What they will be
Until you make them
Or what effects they will have
On your life
Until much farther down the road

People worry that if they let
Go of money
Then they will let go of their desire
To do anything at all
It's true that they will lose their desire
To do many things they do now
But that desire
Is replaced by an even greater desire
To do the things you truly love
And what's left
Is not a lazy person
But an ecstatic person
Who is absolutely lit
On what he is doing
For no reason
Other than the fact that he's doing it

If you wish to be
An ecstatic person
Who is absolutely lit
On what he's doing
Then do whatever you want
Right now
And keep doing it
For the rest of your life








Monday, September 16, 2019

You're An Artist

If you find freedom
In practicing an art
Whether it's your first time
Or your last time
Then you're an artist

Every time
You practice an art
You are
By definition
An artist

Real ones know this
So don't let phonies
Tell you it's not true

The act
Of making art
Makes you an artist

If it feels like a rebellion
Then it is
If you find freedom
In practicing an art
Then you're an artist

Freedom is obtained
Through rebellions
If you find freedom
In practicing an art
Then you're an artist

Transparency

There is great beauty
In transparency

Being transparent
Is the most beautiful
Thing you can be
Because it lets people see
The real you

That's the only way
To let people see
The real you
Is to be transparent
With them

Things fall away
Quickly as you become
More transparent
Jobs you don't need
People you don't need
Wants you don't need
Money you don't need

Eventually you're left
Only with what you need
And everyone can see it
That's transparency

Infamy

Real fame
The kind that lasts
Forever

Is based on real skills
Third party validation
Of skills

Wide recognition
For possessing
A particular skill set

There are many trying
The competition is good
The imitations are many

Real fame
Without real skills
Isn't real fame

It's called infamy

Infamy is reserved
For phonies, fakes, posers
And punks

Infamy is for those
Who faked it
Until they made it

Under false pretenses
And cheated those
Who believed in them

By pretending
To be something
They weren't

Real fame
Without real skills
Isn't real fame

It's called infamy

Sunday, September 15, 2019

The Only Way To Escape The Maze

Society is a maze we go through like mice, looking for cheese.  Cheese is the only thing we look for.  As long as we are attached to the cheese, we are attached to the maze.  To break free from the cheese, is to break free from the whole maze.

But how do we break free from the cheese, when we need it to survive.  The first step is to believe we can.  There is unlimited cheese outside the maze.  That is where all the cheese comes from.  The cheese is put inside the maze by people who live outside of it.  The people who live outside of the maze have all of the cheese, but they don't live inside the maze.  They make all the rules to the maze, and they benefit from all the people running around the maze for cheese, but they don't have to live inside the maze.  They got enough cheese to create their own maze and benefit from other people running around in it.  So they did.  But that still doesn't mean they are free.

If you still feel the need for more cheese, then you are just part of a bigger maze.  As long as you feel the need for more cheese, you remain a mouse in someone else's maze.  The only way to escape from the maze is to let go of the need for more cheese, completely.

Believing you can break free is the most critical and important step.  Most people never make it past this step.  Those same people despise you for believing that you can escape the maze.  They hate you for not playing by the same rules they do and not making the same assumptions they do.  They call you mad and ridicule you for thinking you can escape the maze.  They do this because they are jealous.  They are jealous because they don't believe in themselves.  People who are trapped hate people who aren't.  The more trapped they are, the more hateful.  If what you're doing is making other people jealous, then you are on the right path.  Keep doing what you're doing.  Take it to the 19th degree.  If other people are making you jealous, then follow them.  They're showing you the road.

Society will never let your mind be free from money.  Society is built around money, and it will bully you into thinking about money constantly.  You have to completely break free from society in order to break free from money.  In order to escape from money, you have to escape from society.  But it's not a physical escape.  Moving to an isolated cave in Antarctica won't help you.  You can travel to the ends of the Earth and still not be free.  You can travel to the moon and still not be free, because freedom can only happen within the mind.  It's not a change in the environment or the physical world.  It's a change in the mind.  The change happens in the mind, or not at all.

If you want to get free from the maze, the action to take is whatever you want to do right now.  Even if it might get you fired from your job.  Especially if it might get you fired from your job.  Just do what you want and keep doing it, and let everything else fall away.  Jobs you don't need.  People you don't need.  Wants you don't need.  When you're done, you won't have anything you don't need, and you'll have everything you do need. That's how you know that you're done.  That's how you know you've escaped the maze.  You keep doing what you want, when you want - until what you need, what you want, and what you have are all the same.

Freedom from money is the hardest type of freedom to acquire, because we are constantly told we can't have it.  It should be very scary to admit that you don't need money.  You should feel it in the deepest parts of your soul, because the need for money has been ingrained into your psyche nearly constantly since you were old enough to form and understand words.  You were indoctrinated from your earliest days without warning or consent.  We all were.  That's why it's up to you, and only you, to escape.  No one else can do it for you.  Freedom cannot be given, it must be taken.  Do what you want, and do it now, and don't stop until you are happy.  If it changes your job, let it.  If it changes your friends, let it.  If it changes your family, let it.  If it changes your relationship with money, let it.  If it changes your entire life, then you've done it properly.

Anyone who says you can obtain financial freedom by making more money is full of shit.  Too much money is never enough.  Financial freedom exists only in the mind - and it exists the day you free yourself from your addiction to money by doing exactly what you want, when you want, for the joy of doing it rather than for money.

When you escape the maze, anything is possible.  Only after escaping the maze, do you see what life really looks like.  Most people never get the chance to appreciate that view.  Once your life truly becomes dictated by your dreams and not by the pursuit of cheese, the whole view changes.  Once you reach the mountain top, you never worry about money again.  If you can't afford it, you don't need it - but it takes faith to live by that.  It takes faith to live outside the system.  You have to have faith that if you can't afford it, then you don't need it.  When you're willing to make that leap, and live it, then you are ready for financial freedom.

If you let go of your attachment to money, you will never be in a rush again for the rest of your life.  There is no reason to be in a hurry to go anywhere or do anything.  You have plenty of things to do, but all the time to do them.  Rushing won't get you anywhere any faster, because you aren't going to any destination.  You're already at the destination.  The journey is the destination.  You will always have the comfort of being at your destination, because you will always be arrived.  You will always be right where you are supposed to be because you will always be doing what you want, when you want.

All of the things that seemed to matter before, don't - all at once.  They were all tied to money, and they don't matter any more.  There is literally nothing to worry about.  You just do what you want, when you want, and don't worry about shit.  That's when you're really, truly free from the maze.  It's not money that gets you there.  It's perspective.  It's seeing beyond the walls that blind the masses.  Eventually you realize there was never any real maze to begin with, and the maze only existed within your mind and most everyone else's.



Saturday, September 14, 2019

11 Interesting Facts About Ghana

1) The earliest evidence of human civilization in Ghana is 50,000 B.C.

2) Ghana is at or near the geographic center of the world (0 degrees latitude, 0 degrees longitude is off the coast of Ghana).

3) Ghana is an English speaking country, but is surrounded on three sides by French speaking countries (Cote d'Ivoire, Burkina Faso, Togo).  Its fourth border is the Atlantic Ocean.

4) Ghana was the first African country to break free from colonial rule in 1957.

5) Ghana is roughly the same size as Oregon and the U.K.

6) There are about as many people in Ghana as there are in the state of New York.  Ghana has the second largest population in West Africa, after Nigeria.

7) Ghana's motto is, "One people, one nation, one destiny."

8) Ghana's wildlife includes leopards, hyenas, buffaloes, elephants, wild hogs, antelopes, monkeys, pythons and cobras.

9) Ghana's agriculture includes yams, rice, corn, cassava, millet, peanuts, cotton, pepper, tomatoes, beans, okra, pineapple, coconuts, coconut oil, bananas, plantains, mangoes, coffee, citrus and oil palm

10) Ghana is 69% Christian, 16% Muslim, 15% Indigenous.  I am fascinated by indigenous cultures, so I hope I get stationed in an indigenous region.

11) Ghana's ancient political systems were dominated by queen mothers who were the embodiment of wisdom.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Poets' Faces

Sometimes I see poets' faces
On faces on the street
On those who walk by

I see the poets' faces
And I wonder if
I'ts a coincidence
That I keep seeing people
Who look like poets

Or maybe
Those poets
Whose faces I see
Are connected with me
And we are bound together
In some spiritual way

Or maybe
It was really was the poets themselves
Who I saw walking down the street
It could have been
For all I know

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Morning Glory

Everyone loves a good shit-your-pants story, and I almost had one this morning. 

I have to shit first thing every morning, usually between 6:00 and 7:30 a.m.  I don't have an alarm clock.  I just wake up when I have to shit.  That's how I know it's time to start the day.

But this morning, when I woke up to shit, my roommate was in the shower.  And my morning shit does not like to wait.  Not for a minute.

First, I looked for a place to shit outside.  But I live in a residential area, and there are no brushes or woods nearby. 

So I went back inside, and opened the closet to grab a bucket.  I read in a book that you can put a garbage bag inside a bucket and sit down on it and use it like a toilet.  So that was my first idea.  But the bucket was buried under a bunch of stuff in the closet, and I thought I'd shit my pants if I dug for it.

So I grabbed to two grocery bags instead, and put one inside of the other.  Then I squatted down, held the double-bag below my ass like a diaper, and took a shit into it.  I actually executed the move perfectly and didn't spill so much as a drop of pee on the floor.

This was literally the first thing that happened when I got out of bed this morning.

Friday, September 6, 2019

Authenticity

If you fake it
Till you make it
You can't wonder
Why your life
Is fake

Authenticity is king
Always has been
Always will be
Authenticity
Is the undefeated
Undisputed
Strap holding
Crown wearing
Greatest of all time

Authenticity is both
A shield
And a sword

Authenticity makes sense
Out of nonsense

Authenticity tells the truth
Even when it's not convenient

Authenticity is transparent

Authenticity learns lessons
And shares them

In the sharing
There is power

Authenticity has love
And shows it

Authenticity speaks for itself
And doesn't need anyone
To speak for it

Authenticity doesn't know
What people say about it
Because it doesn't give a shit

Authenticity is strong
And dedicated
And loving
And kind
And generous

Authenticity doesn't hide
Behind closed doors
Or closed mouths

Authenticity doesn't hide
From shit

To do that
Would be to dim its shine
And authenticity shines
As bright as possible
That's its job
Like the sun

Authenticity knows
Life is theater

Five Perks Of Pursuing Your Dreams

1) I have six dollars in my bank account until my more than seven-week late unemployment check arrives (if it arrives)

2) My rent check is about to bounce because my unemployment check is seven weeks late

3) I have an anxiety attack every time I have to spend money.  Every time.

4) I hate going to the grocery store now (something I used to love) because I can't afford it

5) I have a panic attack at the beginning of each month, about the time rent is due, and have to call my Mom

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Finding Purpose

I have little
To no reason
To do anything today
I won't be paid
Despite my best efforts
And despite
What I need to survive

So why should I do anything

I have dreams
But I had them before, too
And they got me here
To thanklessness
So why follow them
Into another abyss

Because there's no other choice

Chase your dreams
Or chase someone else's
Freedom is reserved
For the dead

Sunday, September 1, 2019

This Train

Get on board
Or get off
Because this train
Is moving
The path is not
Always clear
But the destination
Is chosen
This train
Is bound for glory
And it will only stop
When God stops it

This train is righteous
This train is brave
This train is loving
This train is kind
This train is strong
This train is humble
This train is patient
This train is generous

There is no conductor
Only God
Can stop this train

Heroes And Lovers

I tried to write a love story
But the hero kept losing
So I started over
And tried again
And thought
Maybe the hero
Just isn't a lover

But that can't be
All heroes are lovers
That's why they're heroes
So what's wrong
With this one
Maybe he's no hero at all
Maybe he's an impostor
If there's no love
Then there's no hero

At least he's trying, though
That's better than nothing
He could just give up
But he knows
Nothing good comes easy


Saturday, August 31, 2019

No Complaints

I have no complaints
I could come up with some
But then I’d have more tasks
And I already have enough tasks
So I have no complaints

Friday, August 30, 2019

Lost Connection

Sometimes when I
Make eye contact
With a beautiful stranger
She looks back at me
With absolute disgust
And I wonder
What someone else did
To make her think
I’m that big
Of a piece of shit

Or maybe
They just don’t like my face
Whatever it is
There’s no more beauty
It just shrivels up and dies
And there’s no more woman
Just a demon
And there’s no more love
Or admiration
Just bitterness
And resentment

Was it her fault
Or mine
Or someone else’s
Maybe it was God

There’s no happy end
To this story
It just keeps repeating
So I go back to my coffee

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Varied Work History

Maybe I have a varied work history
Because I've done a few things
But maybe you have a boring life
Because you've only done one
And you don't even like it

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Possibility & The Unknown

Possibility begins at the unknown
Possibility ends at fear
The point where fear ends
And possibility begins
Is the point
Where you face the unknown

Break The Silence

The silence between us
An invisible mountain
Getting bigger
The longer it endures
Pushing us farther
And farther apart
Hearts break
Truth hurts
Silence kills


*Honored to have my dear friend and fellow poet Mr. Chris Ernest Nelson contribute to this poem.  His poetry is loaded with gems.  You can find more of his work on his blog at https://chrisernestnelson.wordpress.com/.

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

RAP POST: Down For Whatever

It hurts to be real
But it's worth it
So I cook up a rhyme
And just serve it
It's perfect

When a plan comes together
You know that you made it
You rode out the weather
But still can't stop
'Cause nothing's forever
And everyone's looking
For the buried treasure
That's why I go hard
And I know 'cause I measure
Don't do it for money
I do it for pleasure
Ts'why I keep going
I'm down for whatever

Ten bucks till my check comes
But fuck it, I'm clever
They won't get me now
Not today and not ever
I'll win if I try
'Cause I don't give up, never

Monday, July 29, 2019

ART POST: Shakespeare



This is a drawing I did of my Turtle.  His name is Shakespeare.  I have no time for dating, but I still make time for projects like this.  I’ve been under a million pounds of stress lately, but it was nice to forget about those things for a while when I was doing this.  Drawing gets me into a meditation-like state where I am not thinking about anything.  

Sunday, July 28, 2019

The Deal Of The Century

I went out last night and did some dancing.  Or a lot of dancing.  Enough to be absolutely soaked with sweat by the time we left.  Being in that environment got me thinking about dating again.  I haven't dated in years for a variety of reasons, but mostly because it's a pain in the ass.

I woke up this morning horny, and I realized that I had choice to make.  I could go out and start rounding up phone numbers and schedule a few dates and hope I get lucky, which would take time and some cost (even if it's just coffee, or a joint, or a bottle of wine).  Or I could go home and jerk off.  I did a cost-benefit analysis, and it turns out the upsides of jerking off were fabulous.

I can do it as soon as I get home, and I don't have to wait.

It saves me the time and trouble of dating.

It costs me nothing.

I still give myself the best hand job in town.

How could I pass up that deal?  People talk about jerking off like it's a bad thing.  I call it the Deal Of The Century.  Jerking off is completely painless (unless you overdo it and rub your dick raw, but I haven't done that since I was a teenager).  Dating isn't painless at all.  There are a hundred pains in the ass from dating.  The flaking.  The games.  The secrets.  The lies.  The expectations.  The ingratitude.  The anxiety.  The uncertainty.  The drama.  The fact that I have no time for problems caused by some dude with issues, because I already told you stop talking to them and you could solve the problem yourself in two seconds: delete, block, goodbye.

Plus, when you've really got the hots for a girl you'll do some crazy shit for her.  Fending off idiots.  Buying shit neither of you need.  Checking your phone like a crack fiend to see if she's gotten back to you yet.  It's all madness, and I don't have the capacity for any more madness right now.  I am barely staying sane as it is, trying to make ends meet.  I'm already moving to Africa and starting over in January.  All I want is some peace.

It's not the relationship part of the process I have a problem with.  It's the dating.  If it were possible to skip dating and go straight into a relationship, I'd be all for it.  But that's not how it works.  You have to go through the dating minefield first: a bunch of desperate and confused people acting like they know what they are doing, when in reality nobody knows what they're doing and we're all confused by our very existence.  It’s a silly show. 

If you think of life in terms of a movie, a bunch of wild love affairs would be a much more interesting movie than a guy jerking off.  But life isn't a movie.  And jerking off is the Deal Of The Century.  And it's not my fault nobody has been able to make a better offer in a while.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

RAP POST: Like A Trainer Of Cats

I need a gig
To make some scratch
I wanna do it
To the max
But which direction
Where's the tracks

And where's the clues
I thought I knew
Just what to do
But yesterday
I got the news
And just since then
I've been confused
F'it wasn't me
I'd be amused
But since it is
Now what's the move

I ask my Mom
I ask my friends
This vicious cycle
Never ends
Am I a bum
Or'm I a business man
And what's the business
Where's the plan
Or should I just
Work for the man
But if that happens
I'll be damned
That's what I say
That's where I stand
I got the cards
I played the hand
So turn them up
Let's see
The plan

When changes come
Things well be done
I don't know
What they'll be
I wish I had
A crystal ball
To solve
This mystery
Or see ahead in time
Somehow
To know the future
Here and now
And take a load
Off of my mind
To know that I'll survive
This time

Just like the last
And this will pass
And I'll be thankful
God will laugh
And life goes on
Just how it does
But doing what's
The question, cuz

Or maybe I'll pull money
Right out of my ass
Right there on stage
Like a trainer of cats
I can just see it now
What a show that would be
I wouldn't charge cover
I'd do it for free
Everyone in the crowd
Would all watch with glee
And I'd give them the money
And then they'd feed me
So I would shit more
And we'd all live for free

Thursday, July 18, 2019

RAP POST: Go Tell Them All

I might have dreamed
I would write
But never a rapper
A nice suit and tie
A mullet
But dapper
Even when broke
I can still dress to kill
Cause rich
Or poor
My style is ill
I don't get paid
It's for the thrill
I never stop
I have no chill
I wouldn't if I could
That's real

The pen moves
And the mind grooves
Telling news
Leaving clues
About the methods
I use
To give you my views
Cause I'm lucky
It's true
Take a seat
We got room
Come on in
Show starts soon

If you listen
You hear it
You know that it's true
So go tell them all
And not just a few
Go tell them all
Make them listen to you
And no, there's not time
For one single excuse

My bars
Are from Mars
Where there's no cars
And no scars
From no traffic
It's tragic
We die in our own shit
For profit
But not mine
And not yours
Punch the clock
Do the time
For a minimum wage
That is barely enough
To keep you a slave
To the system
Behave
If you want your next shilling
Don't try
To get brave
Or the world will come down
And you'll live in a cave

And no one will like you
They'll just call you Dave
Even though everyone knows
That's not really your name
But what does it matter
We're all just the same
Punch the clock
Show up, Do
What they pay you to do
Some day, if you're lucky
Then you get to choose
Until then you keep grinding
Some nurse it with booze

I nurse it with writing
Because it's exciting
I've done lot's of things
I even did fighting
But nothing compares
To the feelings I feel
When the words just keep coming
No filter
No seal
Like a faucet
My Spirit
Won't stop
Pouring out
It's my heart
It's my soul
It's my mind
There's no doubt

I was put here to do this
I didn't just choose this
It chose me instead
And I know
I just proved this


RAP POST: Let Me Out

I don't sweat the people
Who act like the rudest
I wear a chain
And I'm calm
And I pray
I'm a Buddhist
I just let it pass
Like my surface is smoothest
They don't know by now
I can't help them
They're clueless
Cause I'm running laps
With no shoes
I'm shoeless

I knock down walls
And break down fences
Art is a war
And I'm down in the trenches
Winning each day
With no news or mentions

No camera
No spotlight
No drama
It's on
Just me and my pen
Fists are tight
Guns are drawn
If you make me
I'll fight
Till the sun's early dawn
And when I get done
I'll just sing you a song
That reminds you of one
That you knew as a kid
When you said you were gonna
And then you did

With big brass nuts
That should've been framed
And put in a painting
And properly named
They don't like the score
When you teach them the game
But after you do
They remember your name
They see and feel it
Deep down in their veins
There's no fun anymore
It's just more of same
Fuck this cage, let me out
I am going insane



Wednesday, July 17, 2019

RAP POST: Can't Stop

I can't stop
Dropping these philosophies
And prophecies
Like Socrates
Get off of these
It's hard to breathe
When all I see
Are corporations
After me
And trying to make me
Property
I get no joy
It brings no glee
But here I'm on
IGTV
Just like a deal
Tween you and me
That I will rise
And be set free
And you'll come too
Cause we said "we"

RAP POST: I Get Down

I get down
With words
It's my form
Of violence

What I say
Is the truth
You can tell
Cause there's silence

I'll do all the work
Take a rest
Close your eyelids
It's my gift to you
Like a truck
I will drive this
Lyrical cargo
Wherever it goes
There's not any traffic
Just me on the road

The music is up
And the windows
Are down
Just me
And my violence
Out on the town

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

RAP POST: On My Job

They said don't quit your day job
Said I already did
Just to rhyme on my time
With no wife and no kid

I don't keep track of losses
I keep track of wins
And when I get one
Then I get one again

Ride my words like a bike
I just go for a spin
Think about it a second
And let it sink in

I'll be here for a minute
We're yet to begin
My words are precise
Like a crack to the chin

If you like them
Then keep them
They're yours now
You win

RAP POST: 10 Seconds of Fame

If you don't know the words
Get a dictionary
Cause I'm speaking my mind
And the vision is scary

Busting rhymes
On my down time
Cause I've got time
Cause my time's mine

I got more flows
Then shmoes
Who don't know
How it goes
Where I play

Here's ten seconds
Have your fame
Take a picture
Sign your name
If ain't pretty it's a shame
Cause being phony
Is being lame

Never fake it
Or you'll never make it
Only the real survive
But paying dues
And telling truths
Keep the dreams alive

Want to be an artist
And make a good mint
Then get outta bed
And start running sprints

Stand up
Tell your story
Don't be scared
It's pain for glory

Sometimes you gotta lose
Before you can win
Everyone Ks
Even T. Gwynn

The good ones keep swinging
Even after you miss
When the crowds don't cheer
When they boo and hiss
Until you knock a dinger
And win the game
Then they clap
And cheer your name
Cause you were the hero
In the final frame
You did it, it's yours
10 seconds of fame

Monday, July 15, 2019

A Cuban Paper Weight

I sat down to work in the shop today
It was hot and the fan kept blowing my papers
Rather than get mad
I imagined I was in a sweaty cafe in Cuba
With hot balls
I used my phone as a paper weight
And returned to my work
Happy

Saturday, July 13, 2019

A Lonely Wanker, On A Lonely Night

I awoke last night
Bout a quarter to three
I heard the neighbors romping
And it wasn't just me

The other neighbors heard
And must have got excited
Because they had a romp too
Everyone was delighted

But then I got conscious
Of the fact I was alone
By myself in my bed
Hearing the neighbors bone

It made me want love
Or at least something like it
It can't be that far
If it is, then I'll bike it

The question is when?
And where?
And how?
These are the mysteries
No one knows now

All I know now
Is that I am here
Alone with my phone
And my neighbors in gear

What should I do?
Should I get up and fight?
Should I play the guitar?
Should I wank it?
Or write?

It seems that writing
Is all I can do
So I scribble the words
And give them to you

They make me feel better
About my plight
As a lonely wanker
On a lonely night

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Art Post: Unconventional 7/10/19

Fat, Dumb, White America: How To Defeat A Government You Hate

Writing a song or a poem and sharing it publicly is just as valid a form of protest as taking to the streets.  In fact, it's even more valid for a couple of reasons.  First, a hit song can reach millions of people (particularly people who vote and people who will become leaders).  Second, great protest songs are passed down for generations.  I was born in 1984, which means I wasn't alive during the Vietnam war, but I still know the words to "Fortunate Son" by CCR and "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield. "This Land Is Your Land" is almost 80 years old and I'll bet you still know some of the words.

Protest is on my mind right now because I believe Trump has a good chance of winning re-election.  I believe that because I believe America is primarily fat, dumb and white (which is deeply disappointing).

So what can I do about it?  Write songs and poems and blogs in protest?  Absolutely.  I will continue to do that.  But what else?  How do you defeat a government that you hate?  Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see.  I wish to see an America that is healthy, intelligent and cultured (rather than fat, dumb and white).  With that said, I am going to take Gandhi's advice and continue working out, eating proper nutrition, educating myself, and remaining open minded to other people's ideas, cultures and lifestyles.  Making healthy lifestyle choices and educating yourself about other cultures are, in themselves, forms of protest in a country ruled by fat, dopey bigots.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

That Being Said, I'm In A Great Mood

Today I was upset because my Mom said she is likely going back to work again.  My Mom has helped me a bunch of times since I went from attorney to whatever I am now.  I am either a bum or an entrepreneur.  I can't be sure either way, but I have to say that I work more than any bum I'm ever met.  I want my Mom to have a peaceful retirement and still get to do all the things she wants to do without having to work if she doesn't want to.  I think everyone would want that for their Mom.  She worked double time my whole life raising three kids and being a full-time junior high school teacher.  She deserves to retire.  And it breaks my heart when I have to ask her for money.

But then I saw the news today and saw what was happening in immigration camps and I thought, "At least I'm not in there."  They won't let any news or journalists in there for a reason.  These people are being malnourished and tortured.  And it's happening right in the middle of American cities next to the Subway and the University building.  People are just disappearing into these hell holes and being held indefinitely.  No showers.  No clothes.  Standing room only.  No place to lie down.  When inspectors showed up, people were pressed up against the window praying and begging to get out, holding signs showing how they long they'd been in there.  It was horrific.  If you've ever spent even one night in jail, you know how shitty that sounds.  And Lord knows these people aren't getting proper procedure on their hearings.  They're pulling people out of their homes and throwing them into cages.  Most of these people committed no crime other than exist in the United States.  They were rounded up and tortured for existing in the United States.  How disgusting.  This is a very dangerous standard we are setting.

So what should I do about it?  Am I supposed to go out and protest?  And am I supposed to go back to work as a lawyer and start trying to bail them out as fast as I can?  Or do I just write down my two cents and share it in a blog?

I chose to write my two cents and share it in a blog because that would serve the dual purposes of 1) publicly airing my grievances about the subject, and 2) giving me time to study for my NASM certification so I can start working at the gym again to support myself instead of having to beg and borrow.  Begging and borrowing make you feel like a bum.  I am not a bum.  Show me a bum whose activities match mine and show you no bum at all.

That being said, I am in a great mood.  I get to go back to my NASM studies.  I still don't have a clue how to help all those people locked up in immigration camps, but at least now I shared something about it.  I also prayed for them.  That sounds very cheap these days, but it isn't when I say it because I have faith.

Ornery

Sometimes I get ornery
When I get stuck in traffic
Or watch the news
But then Buddha tells me
There's no sense getting the blues

You can't be ornery
When you think about the good
I still have some weed
And I still have the hood

I have good company
And good keep
I have my own bed
And I get good sleep

There's food in the fridge
And water at the hole
The more I think about it
I have no reason to be ornery at all

Maybe Buddha was right
Some things you can't change
So it's wise to focus
On what's in range

The journey is inward
And it's a process of healings
When you stop being ornery
You get the right feelings

Ornery starts in the mind
And gets into the heart
It can consume anyone
No matter how smart

It turns friends into enemies
And boils your blood
It will always convince you
You're stuck in the mud

It's why I drink
And it's why I smoke
And it's why I meditate
And that's no joke

If I stopped being ornery
I might lose all my ills
I'd surely find new ones
But then I'd learn new skills

Sunday, June 30, 2019

I Can’t Chase You Right Now

I can’t chase you right now
I have a date with Destiny
Where?
I don’t know
That’s why I have to stay on my road
No detours or distractions
I might get lost or stuck
Or I might catch you
And then you might chase me
Like a game of tag
But I don’t have time for games
I have a date with Destiny
Who is she?
I don’t know
I met her on the internet
And it’s kind of a guessing game
But I’ve gotta go meet her
So I can’t chase you right now


Friday, June 28, 2019

Get Up There And Bomb Like A Man

I was at a comedy show at Lestat's with my friend a while back, and the comedian onstage told a joke that fell flat.  Then he told a story about how he questioned whether or not to tell the joke before he went on stage, but then said, "Nah.  Get up there and bomb like a man."  Then he went up on stage and told the joke and bombed like a man.  I admired him for it, and the story cracked me up.  Now, every time I bomb at something I think of that and laugh.  "Get up there and bomb like a man."

With that said, I've bombed a couple times recently.  My general rule for writing is, "If it makes me laugh, it goes."  I always think what I write is funny, but I never know how other people are going to feel about it until I say it out loud.  Some of my stories and my opinions are completely ridiculous, but I share them any way because that's the only way to separate the good ones from the useless ones.  If you write for long enough (meaning you sift through enough dirt), occasionally you get a gold nugget or two.  Writing for me is kind of like mining for gold nuggets, and the only way to know whether they are gold or not is to say them out loud in front of people.  Sometimes that means I have to get up there and bomb like a man.

Ray Dalio said somewhere that your current self should be the lovable idiot of your future (paraphrased).  I believe his point was that you should always be evolving, and the more evolved version of you will one day look back on your current self as a lovable idiot for all the things your didn't know.  If this is true, then I am doing a great job.  I must be evolving very fast, because I can look at my past-self as recently as yesterday and see an idiot.  I can look back on myself as soon as five minutes ago and see an idiot. 

Bombing hurts.  It doesn't feel good to get up there and bomb.  It's painful to the ego and it's embarrassing, but it's as much a part of the process as anything else.  Even Tony Gwynn went 0 for 4 sometimes.  He didn't quit baseball.  Even Ozzie Smith booted a ball at shortstop every once in a while.  He didn't quit baseball, either.  Going 0 for 4 or booting a ball in the field doesn't mean you quit.  Not if you're a real baseball player.  It just shows you areas where you can improve your skills.  Maybe go practice hitting left handed curve balls or picking backhands in the 5.5 hole. 

The public nature of bombing is what hurts and it's also what sears the lessons into your memory.  Striking out in front of everyone when the team is counting on you feels like shit.  So does delivering a story or a poem that bombs.  Everyone was watching, and you didn't come through.  But that is part of the trial by fire that every performer must go through.  Whether it's sports or poetry readings or music or any other live performance in front of an audience.  Every performance isn't going to be the best, but they all show you areas where you can improve.  You learn something about yourself every time.  Even if you get your ass kicked.  Short term wins and losses don't determine your long term success or failure.  Long term success is only determined by whether you keep coming back and doing your best every time.  For now, I will keep coming back because there's still nothing else I'd rather be doing.  Until that changes, I will keep bombing like a man both live on stage and here on the internet. 

However, I promise will bomb as little possible for my sake and for everyone else's.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

One Too Many

I don’t listen much to the world
It doesn’t have much to say
It only tells me I owe it money
One of these days I’ll crack it in the mouth
Carve its face up with a pen and give it a new one
And when people ask what happened
The world can tell them
“I asked Eddie for money one too many times”
And the world’s broken face will remind everyone
Never to ask a dime of me, again


ART POST: “Salvage” 6/18/19


Sunday, June 9, 2019

My Neighborhood

Where I talk to my friends
Where I learn my lessons
Where I say my prayers
Where I tell my stories
Where I get stressed
Where it's always too loud

Where I still don't know what to say
Where I always have too much to do
Where I run shirtless without shame
Where I read my poems

Where I ride my bike with my mullet flowing
Where I laugh at my own stories
Where I hung up my TV and only watched it twice
Where Buddha looks over my bed
Where the guitar stares at me
Where an unfinished self-portrait begs to be completed
Where a photo on the wall stirs dreams that might not be dead

Where I tried to get lucky, but never did
Until I realized I'd been lucky the whole time

Good Things

I see your wisdom
I see your truth
I learn from it
Because I'm open to it

I see your integrity
I see your character
I try to be like you
Because it makes me better

I see your beauty
I see your charm
I let them enchant me
Because it feels good

I see your mission
I see your goals
I hope you hit them
Because I know you deserve it

I see your kindness
I see your generosity
And I'm inspired to pay it forward
Because that's what real ones do

I see your commitment
I see your dedication
And I know you're going to win
Because good things happen to people like us

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Straight To The Glory Hole

I was walking on the sidewalk to the coffee shop when a man approached me from behind.  I didn't recognize him.

He said, "Hey.  I've seen you running.  You have a really nice physique."

"Thank you."

"I have a glory hole at my house.  Can I get your number?"

It took a second for it to register.  Glory hole?  Oh that kind of glory hole.  I must admit it was a generous offer, but I declined as politely as I could. 

"I'm not interested, but thanks.  Cheers."

The conversation had no small talk.  It was straight to the glory hole.  The funny thing is I usually get these kind of sexual offers from men.  Not women.  It's like being rich in the wrong currency.  The guys love me, and the girls couldn't give less of a shit.  It's one of life's mysteries I still do not understand.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

I Have A Dream

I have a Dream
Where billionaires scrub toilets
And answer other peoples' phones
Until they become Democrats

I have a Dream
Where house cleaners
And kitchen workers
Make a livable wage

I have a Dream
Where youths
Receive an education
Without crushing debt

I have a Dream
Where people
Can receive healthcare
Without going bankrupt

I have a Dream
Where public funds
Are used for their intended purpose

I have a Dream
Where the forever war ends
And there's no more profit for blood

I have a Dream
Something like my youth
Where kids didn't get shot at school

I have a Dream
Where the law
Targets racism
Instead of melanin

I have a Dream
But it's only a dream

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Boxing Coach And Personal Trainer In Your Neighborhood

I've been fortunate to have great coaches and training partners and I love sharing what I've learned from them.  I trained boxing and Muay Thai under Melchor Menor, Mike Lemaire and Danny Perez starting in 2011.  I competed as an amateur.  I began teaching boxing and kickboxing in 2016.

I grew up in San Diego.  I played sports and did fitness training my whole life (literally since T-Ball when I was 4 years old).  One thing I love about San Diego is I get to run, train and ride my bicycle outdoors year-round.

Besides training, my other interests are reading, writing, running, bicycling, meditating, playing the guitar, drawing, cooking, travelling, spending time with friends and family, and doing live poetry and story telling performances.




Monday, May 13, 2019

Solitary Man

Loneliness and solitude are different
Solitude is a choice
Loneliness feels forced on you
Loneliness is a prison

Solitude is an escape
A chance to swim in your own tide pool
Without the waves of others crashing in

Loneliness and solitude are also the same
Because you're alone either way
The only real difference is how you look at it
Were you forced into it, like a prisoner
Or did you leave on purpose, like a monk
Maybe it was a little of both

But don't fret being alone
The only difference between solitude and loneliness
Is how you look at it




Lucky Man

A lucky man
Knows what he has
He doesn't guess about the future
He knows it's out of his hands

He lets disturbances pass
He seeks peace
He lets love in

He does what he wants
And tells others to do the same
Because he cares about them

He knows the value of his attention
And gives it wisely

He believes in himself
Because he knows himself

Maybe he is lucky
Or maybe he is just good



Saturday, May 11, 2019

S.O.S.

Our community is under attack
The United States is under attack
Democracy is under attack
By Donald Trump and a few billionaire cunts

That's not a hyperbole

They're called gerrymandered voting districts
The electoral college is nowhere in the Constitution
And if it was
We should take that shit out of there
Because my vote counts
Just as much as someone from Philadelphia

We are being robbed

Not just of our livelihood
But of our voice
Our environment
Our society
Our world

The rich are robbing the poor
And the poor are going to jail for it
And kids are getting shot in schools for it
And animals are going extinct for it
And we will be next

And all I can do is write this poem


Thursday, May 9, 2019

Waiting For Daylight

Take your promise for tomorrow
And shove it up your ass

I've been promised tomorrow
Too many times

Make me a promise
I can touch
And taste
And feel
And smell

I've heard too many promises
And spent too much time looking at the future

Show me now
Or don't show me at all

I'm not waiting for daylight
Daylight never comes
And I don't have time for promises


The Road To Nowhere

I can't complain
This is the road I chose

I didn't do it for riches
Or for gold

I did it to be free
But I am still shackled

The anxiety is a constant companion
A roommate I never wanted

I'd kick that fucker out today
If only I knew how

I can shut him up for a minute
But I know he'll be back

The next time I need groceries
Or pull up to the pump

He'll be back next time I want to buy coffee
Or go out on a date

And he'll definitely be back
Next time I want to buy weed
To ease the stress he's caused me

Why don't you just kill that motherfucker?
Get rid of him once and for all?
The good for nothing son of a bitch

I tried
But I can't kill the fact that I need money
This motherfucker just won't die


Sunday, May 5, 2019

A Saturday Night Witching: She Stole My Words

Yesterday I met a woman who astounded me.  It was a launch party for a magazine she published.  She read it out loud in front of everyone.  It was a packed house.  The truth of her words hit me and woke things up inside of me I hadn't felt.

I tried to talk to her afterwards.  The first time, all I could get out was like, "Great job" or "awesome" or some generic bullshit like that.  I had nothing for her.  Then I shook her hand.  There were other people around her trying to talk to her, so I went up to the front and bought a copy of her magazine while I tried to think of something to say.

I still hadn't thought of anything to say to her on the way out, so I decided to go up the street and drink a beer and read her magazine.  Hopefully, that would get the wheels turning.  I left my bike back at the party, so I had a reason to come back and talk to her again once the crowd left.

I drank my beer, read her magazine and walked back to the party.  Thankfully she was still there.

"Hey, I'm Eddie."

We shake hands and she gives me her name.  I still couldn't come up with one word for her, so I followed the same rule that I follow for writing which is "always start with one true sentence."

"I just drank a beer and read your magazine and I had to come back and talk to you.  I really enjoyed it."

She smiled at that, which meant it was a good first sentence.  Then there was a pause.  I looked for sentence number two, but it didn't come.  She was looking at me, waiting for me to say something.  And I had nothing.  I wanted to give her all the love and praise and admiration n the world.  I was fascinated by her.  I wanted to give her everything.  And I had nothing.  No words.  I was dumbfounded and speechless.  I was completely awestruck by her.  I couldn't get another word out.

"That's it."

When I said, "That's it," I saw her face drop.  She was looking at me like, "Are you kidding me?  That's it?  That's the best you have?"  And it was.  I had nothing.  The only thing I can compare it to is being with the most beautiful woman of your life and not being able to get hard-on.  I have never felt so useless.

I had no idea what to say.  And she knew it too.  She looked at me like, "you're an idiot."  And I was like, "I know."  I've never been so disappointed in myself.

There were a million things I wanted to say.  How could I possibly be expected to process all of that within the span of one beer in twenty minutes?  Hopefully I see her again.  I won't forget her name.  It's on my bookshelf now.




Thursday, May 2, 2019

ART POST: "Resilience" 5/2/19

This illustration is called "Resilience" because it was an exercise in resilience.  I screwed it up badly at the beginning.  There were lines that did not turn out where they were supposed to be.  I laid them down with a gel pen, so there were no do-overs.  I considered starting over, but I decided to stick it out because that's how I am and because I have successfully salvaged drawings in the past.  Sure enough, I was able to make some adjustments and come out with a passable illustration.  I feel like I grew as a draftsman for having the confidence and fortitude to stick it out.

I like that the look on her face is resilient.  Does she look like she's going to stay down?  Nah.  She's ready to kick ass.




Quiero Relajarme

Mi vida es sencilla No tengo problemas grandes Pero lo paracen Cuando los pienso mucho Los pequeños hacen grandes Y me preocupo Mis amigos m...